American Damage 3

Part 3

I have been confronted recently with having to reconcile my feelings about certain aspects of day to day life. Things that were once thought to be "lower" than where I was/or am are becoming more and more a part of who I am/what I do.

This is what I like to call the evolution of a man. When we are in a comfortable space, it is very easy to cast judgments, stereotype and down-play others' lifestyles.

I have grown simply from trying to be more understanding of other people. It takes some patience to try and see the world from behind someone else's eyes. I'll admit it, I most of the time don't concern myself with others. I stick to what I need to know. Me. But sometimes, people provide me with the material on which I will focus.

I can be very harsh sometimes, but the world will never feel regretful for being just as harsh towards me. I try my best to be accomodating, so I can be left alone. If you get too involved, people think you care. I cannot have people getting me wrapped up in their world. I have enough to worry about...this doesn't involve you.

When I get involved, its instinct. A woman drops her bag on the train, I pick it up and hand it to her. Its not because I care about her, but more because of manners and not wanting her fumbling around on the floor making it that much harder to be left alone. I see the problem. I create a solution that makes the least amount of involvement of me and you possible.

Am I damaged? Maybe. I would be a lot worse if I had pieces of me floating around in the drama of everyone I encountered. The way I see it. Its self-preservation. Keeping me to me and you to you.

As long as we do not interact, we will not complicate each other, or better yet, you will not complicate me. I mean no disrespect. I just do not care for you or your kind. Hate. Too strong? Ask me again. Hate. Dislike is not a strong enough word. Hate. Fits the bill. No disrespect. Hate.

I use this tactic when observing and opening my mind to new ideas and people. I open the windows but the not the door. I look but do not attempt to touch. I observe without questions. I want to draw my own conclusions about things. I don't want you history book of answers. I don't want to have a conversation with you, but I want to observe you in your natural environment. Like an animal in a zoo. Caged for me to learn. Learn to avoid you. Learn to accept, avoid and possibly dominate you. Hate.