Private Investigator
I'm waiting in the parking lot
i'm waiting in the car
i'm waiting so i can figure out
just who you are
raining heavy in the evening
cold and darkness all around
gonna wait until i get a chance
then i'll put you underground
don't call me scared, call me paranoid
its the reason that i'm here
i came to finish what was started
to try and face my fears
like a weight is being lifted
off my shoulders off my mind
don't look inside me, trust me
you might not like what you find
Chorus:
do you see me? because i see you.
trying like a pro to get dirt on me
do you know me? because i know you.
know you like the wound that i watch bleed
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
New Song : Murderous Shores (inspired by the book called Dead Low Tide that I have not read)
Murderous Shores
punch drunk in the cellar of despair and waste. you'd think i was an alcoholic by the look on my face. i've seen that look a million times in the mirror, like a ship without a captain, there's no one to steer her.
the dawn is breaking on my back and time is thinning. record shows that all my enemies keep winning. and when you come to me and ask me what I'm thinking,...I'll tell you nothings wrong and my life has no meaning.
apart from all the damage that the sea has wrought. i got a thousand memories that will soon be lost. on the ocean floor and on the door my existence will stay. by the pistol's wrath and bullets path my body will lay.
wrapped in soiled linens and tied up real tight. this is not the proper send off that I might have liked. but i'll take what i can get, you see i have no choice. the seas will silence fires just like it has my voice.
chorus:
take a knee, on these murderous shores
give thanks for all the times we had, there won't be more
punch drunk in the cellar of despair and waste. you'd think i was an alcoholic by the look on my face. i've seen that look a million times in the mirror, like a ship without a captain, there's no one to steer her.
the dawn is breaking on my back and time is thinning. record shows that all my enemies keep winning. and when you come to me and ask me what I'm thinking,...I'll tell you nothings wrong and my life has no meaning.
apart from all the damage that the sea has wrought. i got a thousand memories that will soon be lost. on the ocean floor and on the door my existence will stay. by the pistol's wrath and bullets path my body will lay.
wrapped in soiled linens and tied up real tight. this is not the proper send off that I might have liked. but i'll take what i can get, you see i have no choice. the seas will silence fires just like it has my voice.
chorus:
take a knee, on these murderous shores
give thanks for all the times we had, there won't be more
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Hurricane Ike & The Disasters (that come out of peoples mouths)
So as the world may know, a little hurricane named Ike came rolling through the area last week on Saturday morning. Also, yo may be aware that large portions of the city are still without power or homes to even go back to.
My condolences to all the displaced people who lost everything is what is arguably the most devastating thing to hit the Texas coast this year.
I have been paying to attention the news and the way that the coverage is being handled, and I gotta say that even the local news media is fishing for shit. They are really trying to find holes in the plans for recovery, so they can be the network that broke through the secrets. Its sickening. I mean, here we are literally powerless, water is mostly working, a cool-down came blowing in, and all people can do is point fingers and make it all about them.
First off, if you have a house, and the water is running, then shut the fuck up about power. Its okay that you don't have a TV or air conditioner for a while. Get off your ass and do something. Also, remind yourself that while you were being totally selfish, there are many people in the Galveston area who have lost everything they had, and that they may continue to lose more if martial law is declared in their part of the state.
People are frustrated. I get it. I am too. Everyone has a different situation, and while I understand that you think yours is more important than others', it's not. Not by a long shot.
Stop coming down on the hard-working volunteers that are here to help out. They are people just like you. They have to eat and sleep and work as well. They are unfortunately states and counties away from their homes and families sacrificing their time to help you. The least you can do is simply shut the fuck up, get comfortable, and wait.
They are doing what they can. No conspiracies. Just hard work. Power, no power. Fuck. people did it for thousands of years, you can too. If you can't hack it, then I guess you'll be thinned from the herd.
Fuck.
My condolences to all the displaced people who lost everything is what is arguably the most devastating thing to hit the Texas coast this year.
I have been paying to attention the news and the way that the coverage is being handled, and I gotta say that even the local news media is fishing for shit. They are really trying to find holes in the plans for recovery, so they can be the network that broke through the secrets. Its sickening. I mean, here we are literally powerless, water is mostly working, a cool-down came blowing in, and all people can do is point fingers and make it all about them.
First off, if you have a house, and the water is running, then shut the fuck up about power. Its okay that you don't have a TV or air conditioner for a while. Get off your ass and do something. Also, remind yourself that while you were being totally selfish, there are many people in the Galveston area who have lost everything they had, and that they may continue to lose more if martial law is declared in their part of the state.
People are frustrated. I get it. I am too. Everyone has a different situation, and while I understand that you think yours is more important than others', it's not. Not by a long shot.
Stop coming down on the hard-working volunteers that are here to help out. They are people just like you. They have to eat and sleep and work as well. They are unfortunately states and counties away from their homes and families sacrificing their time to help you. The least you can do is simply shut the fuck up, get comfortable, and wait.
They are doing what they can. No conspiracies. Just hard work. Power, no power. Fuck. people did it for thousands of years, you can too. If you can't hack it, then I guess you'll be thinned from the herd.
Fuck.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The Times, They Are A Changin'
How would you like to be punched in the face? No? Really?
Well, okay, I guess I can let it slide then. Speaeking of getting punched in the face, this morning, I woke up.
Not that waking and up and getting punched in the face are anywhere close, but I guess they could be if the right circumstances presented themselves at the right time.
I am awake, I do the morning thing. Dreading the likelihood that I will behaving the same dull breakfast (multigrain eggo waffles), I have a grand idea. Breakfast Tacos! Made them and ate them. Badass. I should do that every morning, wait--I am trying to not to join the ranks of the Wal-Mart shoppers physique, so maybe once a week is fine.
Out the door early, nothing brewing on the mind, and all the sudden I open the front door to -- what's this?--could it be?--cool wind blowing in the air, and the familiar smell of a summer's death. It was the first time I had felt good about going outside since march. A million memories of years past came flooding into my brain.
Even though I know the season hasn't officially ended yet, I get the sense that Summer is on its way out, and I am happy to see it go. This summer has been especially brutal in terms of heat and not a lot of rain. Despite hurricane warnings and tropical storms that just barely miss here, we are bone dry as a city.
I prefer the rain. It helps me make it through the summers with ease. Needless to say tht this summer has not been an easy one. But I'll survive as I have since birth, or wait...have I been getting prepared for death since birth? Too heavy? yeah, too heavy.
Posting regularly has become harder these days due to the rise in work work work. I am trying, but sometimes there isn't anything to report or write about. What d'ya want from me?
I am looking forward to all the things in the next few months leading into winter. There are some shows, and festivals, and some other things that I am psyched about, but we'll see if the funds will be there for those things to become realized. Besides that, I am going to do my best to help Brandy get thru the last two quarters as easy as possible. Don't know how I am going to do that, but I never know until I am given task of some sort, so wish me luck. I won't need it. I'd do anything for her, and she knows it.
Well, this was fun. I am off to get my brain ripped out, guts splayed in front of me, and then ground into meat for another eight hours. Til next time.
Well, okay, I guess I can let it slide then. Speaeking of getting punched in the face, this morning, I woke up.
Not that waking and up and getting punched in the face are anywhere close, but I guess they could be if the right circumstances presented themselves at the right time.
I am awake, I do the morning thing. Dreading the likelihood that I will behaving the same dull breakfast (multigrain eggo waffles), I have a grand idea. Breakfast Tacos! Made them and ate them. Badass. I should do that every morning, wait--I am trying to not to join the ranks of the Wal-Mart shoppers physique, so maybe once a week is fine.
Out the door early, nothing brewing on the mind, and all the sudden I open the front door to -- what's this?--could it be?--cool wind blowing in the air, and the familiar smell of a summer's death. It was the first time I had felt good about going outside since march. A million memories of years past came flooding into my brain.
Even though I know the season hasn't officially ended yet, I get the sense that Summer is on its way out, and I am happy to see it go. This summer has been especially brutal in terms of heat and not a lot of rain. Despite hurricane warnings and tropical storms that just barely miss here, we are bone dry as a city.
I prefer the rain. It helps me make it through the summers with ease. Needless to say tht this summer has not been an easy one. But I'll survive as I have since birth, or wait...have I been getting prepared for death since birth? Too heavy? yeah, too heavy.
Posting regularly has become harder these days due to the rise in work work work. I am trying, but sometimes there isn't anything to report or write about. What d'ya want from me?
I am looking forward to all the things in the next few months leading into winter. There are some shows, and festivals, and some other things that I am psyched about, but we'll see if the funds will be there for those things to become realized. Besides that, I am going to do my best to help Brandy get thru the last two quarters as easy as possible. Don't know how I am going to do that, but I never know until I am given task of some sort, so wish me luck. I won't need it. I'd do anything for her, and she knows it.
Well, this was fun. I am off to get my brain ripped out, guts splayed in front of me, and then ground into meat for another eight hours. Til next time.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
American Damage 3
Part 3
I have been confronted recently with having to reconcile my feelings about certain aspects of day to day life. Things that were once thought to be "lower" than where I was/or am are becoming more and more a part of who I am/what I do.
This is what I like to call the evolution of a man. When we are in a comfortable space, it is very easy to cast judgments, stereotype and down-play others' lifestyles.
I have grown simply from trying to be more understanding of other people. It takes some patience to try and see the world from behind someone else's eyes. I'll admit it, I most of the time don't concern myself with others. I stick to what I need to know. Me. But sometimes, people provide me with the material on which I will focus.
I can be very harsh sometimes, but the world will never feel regretful for being just as harsh towards me. I try my best to be accomodating, so I can be left alone. If you get too involved, people think you care. I cannot have people getting me wrapped up in their world. I have enough to worry about...this doesn't involve you.
When I get involved, its instinct. A woman drops her bag on the train, I pick it up and hand it to her. Its not because I care about her, but more because of manners and not wanting her fumbling around on the floor making it that much harder to be left alone. I see the problem. I create a solution that makes the least amount of involvement of me and you possible.
Am I damaged? Maybe. I would be a lot worse if I had pieces of me floating around in the drama of everyone I encountered. The way I see it. Its self-preservation. Keeping me to me and you to you.
As long as we do not interact, we will not complicate each other, or better yet, you will not complicate me. I mean no disrespect. I just do not care for you or your kind. Hate. Too strong? Ask me again. Hate. Dislike is not a strong enough word. Hate. Fits the bill. No disrespect. Hate.
I use this tactic when observing and opening my mind to new ideas and people. I open the windows but the not the door. I look but do not attempt to touch. I observe without questions. I want to draw my own conclusions about things. I don't want you history book of answers. I don't want to have a conversation with you, but I want to observe you in your natural environment. Like an animal in a zoo. Caged for me to learn. Learn to avoid you. Learn to accept, avoid and possibly dominate you. Hate.
I have been confronted recently with having to reconcile my feelings about certain aspects of day to day life. Things that were once thought to be "lower" than where I was/or am are becoming more and more a part of who I am/what I do.
This is what I like to call the evolution of a man. When we are in a comfortable space, it is very easy to cast judgments, stereotype and down-play others' lifestyles.
I have grown simply from trying to be more understanding of other people. It takes some patience to try and see the world from behind someone else's eyes. I'll admit it, I most of the time don't concern myself with others. I stick to what I need to know. Me. But sometimes, people provide me with the material on which I will focus.
I can be very harsh sometimes, but the world will never feel regretful for being just as harsh towards me. I try my best to be accomodating, so I can be left alone. If you get too involved, people think you care. I cannot have people getting me wrapped up in their world. I have enough to worry about...this doesn't involve you.
When I get involved, its instinct. A woman drops her bag on the train, I pick it up and hand it to her. Its not because I care about her, but more because of manners and not wanting her fumbling around on the floor making it that much harder to be left alone. I see the problem. I create a solution that makes the least amount of involvement of me and you possible.
Am I damaged? Maybe. I would be a lot worse if I had pieces of me floating around in the drama of everyone I encountered. The way I see it. Its self-preservation. Keeping me to me and you to you.
As long as we do not interact, we will not complicate each other, or better yet, you will not complicate me. I mean no disrespect. I just do not care for you or your kind. Hate. Too strong? Ask me again. Hate. Dislike is not a strong enough word. Hate. Fits the bill. No disrespect. Hate.
I use this tactic when observing and opening my mind to new ideas and people. I open the windows but the not the door. I look but do not attempt to touch. I observe without questions. I want to draw my own conclusions about things. I don't want you history book of answers. I don't want to have a conversation with you, but I want to observe you in your natural environment. Like an animal in a zoo. Caged for me to learn. Learn to avoid you. Learn to accept, avoid and possibly dominate you. Hate.
Wire Lure
You may recognize the change.
You may choose to ignore it.
You may accept and embrace it.
You may choose to destroy it.
You may regret the change you made.
You may think nothing of it.
You may wish you could take it back.
You may break wide open or plummet.
You may see it in the distance.
You may think you see it but don't.
You may see it and be afraid.
You may steal it, sell it, and never know.
You may fall into to shadow.
You may wish you looked beforehand.
You may have meant to fall so far.
You may choose to sit or stand.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure that breaks your smile.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure, the sickness is so vile.
You may choose to ignore it.
You may accept and embrace it.
You may choose to destroy it.
You may regret the change you made.
You may think nothing of it.
You may wish you could take it back.
You may break wide open or plummet.
You may see it in the distance.
You may think you see it but don't.
You may see it and be afraid.
You may steal it, sell it, and never know.
You may fall into to shadow.
You may wish you looked beforehand.
You may have meant to fall so far.
You may choose to sit or stand.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure that breaks your smile.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure, the sickness is so vile.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Not Feeling It...
Today I am just not feeling it.
Can't get inspired. Can't get out of this rut.
Burned through a workout this morning and felt wrecked afterwards. Other than that, today seems like going through the motions. I just want to be at home, where I can relax.
Bought a DVD this weekend, and I got it on the basis that some poor retail employee forgot to take down the sale sign. I know how to play that game. I worked in that business for years, and I know what to look for. Man, they hate the shit out of you when they know you're kind of an "insider."
So, the movie is, "I'm Not There." The Bob Dylan biopic played by many different people. Haven't seen it yet, but the special edition 2-disc for 6.99 isn't a bad deal at all. Looking forward to watching it.
Continuing to write lyrics like nobody's business. Write. Write. Write. Everything gets written. There are some really terrible things, but at the same time, there are some gems.
Figured out how to shave thirty minutes off the bus ride home. Trying that out today.
Listening to The Germs "MIA:The Complete Germs"
Wishing I was playing music right now instead of beating my brain into a pulp as i try to dig some motivation to work.
Can't get inspired. Can't get out of this rut.
Burned through a workout this morning and felt wrecked afterwards. Other than that, today seems like going through the motions. I just want to be at home, where I can relax.
Bought a DVD this weekend, and I got it on the basis that some poor retail employee forgot to take down the sale sign. I know how to play that game. I worked in that business for years, and I know what to look for. Man, they hate the shit out of you when they know you're kind of an "insider."
So, the movie is, "I'm Not There." The Bob Dylan biopic played by many different people. Haven't seen it yet, but the special edition 2-disc for 6.99 isn't a bad deal at all. Looking forward to watching it.
Continuing to write lyrics like nobody's business. Write. Write. Write. Everything gets written. There are some really terrible things, but at the same time, there are some gems.
Figured out how to shave thirty minutes off the bus ride home. Trying that out today.
Listening to The Germs "MIA:The Complete Germs"
Wishing I was playing music right now instead of beating my brain into a pulp as i try to dig some motivation to work.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
American Damage 1 & 2
Part 1
Yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot of time to write this post, so today you get a two for one special.
My usual routine was followed, and I was downtown waiting for the train. The sky was overcast with spots of obvious rain and darkness. The wind blew violently down the corridors carved by the buildings, and there was a smell in the air that is usually typical of Fall in Houston. Given it is the middle of August, we aren't even close to Fall yet. I wondered whether this was just a nice break from the usual weather or something apocalyptic was happening. It's not that I actually believed that some doomsday thing was actually happening, but I must be paranoid about everything. It is in my nature to suspect that the worst will happen.
So...I am standing there with the masses waiting for our carriage to arrive, swoop us up, and take us away. Almost immediately, a man on a bicycle came riding up across the street from the stop, and he was yelling in anger about his sins, lies, and plain old being human. He then stops, looks at everyone waiting for the train and begins to scream his rants in our direction. Telling us all that we (collectively) are essentially going to burn for all eternity, and that he knows sin is what we are made from. Its as if he believes that at 7:15am people actually care what the fuck he is thinking or saying. A few minutes go by, and I realize this guy is still going. I look around to observe what other people are making of this guy.
The gay couple standing next to me were mid-sentence interrupted in their conversation when this guy began, and now that he is essentially singling-out people and damning them to hell, the couple turned away and start their initial conversation following one of the guys saying, "I don't have to listen to this crap."
There were quite a few people who I am positive did not speak english because they di not look up even once in acknowledgment of the antics.
Then there were those that were like me. Checking watches for the time, peeking out into the rail track to see where the train was, or just trying to figure out what set this guy off.
Just before the train pulled up to the stop, I noticed a huge gust of wind blow down the road, and it nearly knocked this guy off of his bike. He was very frail. Like he has spent the bulk of his life barely living. I looked up, and the sky was churning with gray. At this exact moment, the man continued his hellfire and brimstone rants, and I pressed play on my ipod to immediately drown the man out.
Glenn Danzig's voice lit up the speakers in my headphones with the song Halloween off of the 12 Hits from Hell album that never got released.
It was amazing how perfect the timing was for that to happen.
Part 2
What is it about people these days? Why are we so quick to run to the lawyers? What happened to just sucking it up and moving on? I am so sick and tired of hearing about how somebody else is offended by someones opinion.
This morning I heard a story on Fox News where they were discussing the new Ben Stiller movie, Tropic Thunder. The were going over the fact hat the movie uses the term "retard" a lot to describe the mentally retarded, and their are "rights" groups protesting the movie because of these words.
Let me first say that people are retards. What is wrong with using that word? Its in a movie, and now they want it banned?! Gimme a break. You can't ban words. It's retarded.
To all of the idiots out there that take offense to little things like this, please do us a favor and go fuck yourselves. I have a great deal of respect for mentally retarded people and their ability to get through life in spite of the tremendous struggles they face, but c'mon! Enough is enough.
Grow some skin, get a life, and have some fun. Stop trying to ban words because when taken out of context, you were offended. Learn to laugh at our differences, not in hate or disgust, but in the fact that if we can just learn to laugh at our unique characteristics, then we may actually be more understanding in the long run.
This is is just disguised censorship. It is disguised intolerance. Anyone who thinks otherwise must be one of them.
Yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot of time to write this post, so today you get a two for one special.
My usual routine was followed, and I was downtown waiting for the train. The sky was overcast with spots of obvious rain and darkness. The wind blew violently down the corridors carved by the buildings, and there was a smell in the air that is usually typical of Fall in Houston. Given it is the middle of August, we aren't even close to Fall yet. I wondered whether this was just a nice break from the usual weather or something apocalyptic was happening. It's not that I actually believed that some doomsday thing was actually happening, but I must be paranoid about everything. It is in my nature to suspect that the worst will happen.
So...I am standing there with the masses waiting for our carriage to arrive, swoop us up, and take us away. Almost immediately, a man on a bicycle came riding up across the street from the stop, and he was yelling in anger about his sins, lies, and plain old being human. He then stops, looks at everyone waiting for the train and begins to scream his rants in our direction. Telling us all that we (collectively) are essentially going to burn for all eternity, and that he knows sin is what we are made from. Its as if he believes that at 7:15am people actually care what the fuck he is thinking or saying. A few minutes go by, and I realize this guy is still going. I look around to observe what other people are making of this guy.
The gay couple standing next to me were mid-sentence interrupted in their conversation when this guy began, and now that he is essentially singling-out people and damning them to hell, the couple turned away and start their initial conversation following one of the guys saying, "I don't have to listen to this crap."
There were quite a few people who I am positive did not speak english because they di not look up even once in acknowledgment of the antics.
Then there were those that were like me. Checking watches for the time, peeking out into the rail track to see where the train was, or just trying to figure out what set this guy off.
Just before the train pulled up to the stop, I noticed a huge gust of wind blow down the road, and it nearly knocked this guy off of his bike. He was very frail. Like he has spent the bulk of his life barely living. I looked up, and the sky was churning with gray. At this exact moment, the man continued his hellfire and brimstone rants, and I pressed play on my ipod to immediately drown the man out.
Glenn Danzig's voice lit up the speakers in my headphones with the song Halloween off of the 12 Hits from Hell album that never got released.
It was amazing how perfect the timing was for that to happen.
Part 2
What is it about people these days? Why are we so quick to run to the lawyers? What happened to just sucking it up and moving on? I am so sick and tired of hearing about how somebody else is offended by someones opinion.
This morning I heard a story on Fox News where they were discussing the new Ben Stiller movie, Tropic Thunder. The were going over the fact hat the movie uses the term "retard" a lot to describe the mentally retarded, and their are "rights" groups protesting the movie because of these words.
Let me first say that people are retards. What is wrong with using that word? Its in a movie, and now they want it banned?! Gimme a break. You can't ban words. It's retarded.
To all of the idiots out there that take offense to little things like this, please do us a favor and go fuck yourselves. I have a great deal of respect for mentally retarded people and their ability to get through life in spite of the tremendous struggles they face, but c'mon! Enough is enough.
Grow some skin, get a life, and have some fun. Stop trying to ban words because when taken out of context, you were offended. Learn to laugh at our differences, not in hate or disgust, but in the fact that if we can just learn to laugh at our unique characteristics, then we may actually be more understanding in the long run.
This is is just disguised censorship. It is disguised intolerance. Anyone who thinks otherwise must be one of them.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Audible Function: Before the fall: Songs I was listening to before 9/11/01
Greetings from the land of nostalgia. This week's playlist is a trip down memory lane. Sometimes there are things that trigger memories, and today is one of those days. The day is overcast, the sky is gray, and the wind is slightly blowing like there might be a cool down (even though it doesn't actually cool off here until November). When days like this roll around, I am reminded of being in college and experiencing a lot of things for the first time. Listening to music and hanging with new friends and old ones. This playlist is a fraction of what I was listening to at the time. No descriptions this time, but here is the tracklisting. Enjoy!
http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
1. At the Drive-In - Enfilade
2. The Murder City Devils - Johnny Thunders
3. The Faint - Let the Poison Spill From Your Throat
4. The Misfits - Hybrid Moments
5. Refused - New Noise
6. Blood for Blood - Nothing for You (live)
7. A.F.I. - Third Season
8. Face to Face - Disappointed
9. Social Distortion - Don't Drag Me Down
10. Boysetsfire - (Compassion) As Skull Fragments on the Wall
11. Avail - Nickel Bridge
12. Mike Ness - Big Iron
http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
1. At the Drive-In - Enfilade
2. The Murder City Devils - Johnny Thunders
3. The Faint - Let the Poison Spill From Your Throat
4. The Misfits - Hybrid Moments
5. Refused - New Noise
6. Blood for Blood - Nothing for You (live)
7. A.F.I. - Third Season
8. Face to Face - Disappointed
9. Social Distortion - Don't Drag Me Down
10. Boysetsfire - (Compassion) As Skull Fragments on the Wall
11. Avail - Nickel Bridge
12. Mike Ness - Big Iron
Monday, August 11, 2008
Mondays in general...
Mondays in general are terrible. You come off of the weekend having adjusted to the less active lifestyle that the weekend provides, and you are immediately hit with alarm clocks and schedules.
4:45am - Wake up, open my eyes to feel the burn of light blasting through my semi-opened lids. Get up, drag my ass to the bathroom to get my work out clothes on. Confronted by the dog, who is nothing short of way-too-damn-energetic at this point in the morning. Get dressed, gather my ipod, dog and wife and we head out to go running.
5:45am - Back from running. My body wants me dead. It feels like a thousand fists punching me in unison, and I can't get away. Sweat pours out of me like water from a faucet, and I am feeling light-headed from the hard run. It is good. Feeling wrecked only makes me stronger in the end.
6:45am- Breakfast behind me, I am in the process of closing down the house before we leave. Brandy is in the kitchen giving the dog his medicine, and we are out the door shortly after. In the car listening to the fragments of different talk-radio programming on Sirius. It never fails that they all go to commercial at the same time in the morning. Nothing of real interest this morning. Everyone is amazed at John Edwards' affair. Are you kidding? He's a politician in a position of power, what makes you think he is honest in any way? Get over it. You cheat. He's a cheater. Politicians are lying scum. I knew it.
7:10am - Parked, said our goodbyes, and off to work. Brandy goes up the elevator and go down the train. Its a lottery getting on the train in the mornings. Sometimes its empty and calm, and sometimes its busy and crowded. This morning was the latter of the two. Not too bad though. Got to sit and read. Black Coffee Blues is a really entertaining read.
7:40am - At work, co-workers already working hard on grinding the ole stones away at their day. We don't all have the luxury of getting out of here at 3pm. Checking emails, answering calls. Prioritizing my jobs, and not feeling all the energetic.
8:00am - Busy, but still bored with the current level of exciting work I have. Its either something I am tired of looking at or something I was never that psyched about to begin with.
11:30am - Lunch. Internet is screwy. Email is broken. What a great way to start off the day. Oh well. I will read and write instead. I do not suffer from what the media refers to as Internet Addiction. Please. Unplug your computers, turn off your phones, and stop visiting myspace. Problem solved.
12:44pm - Still not a whole lot going on. This is probably what the day will be like for the rest of it.
Boring. Sad. Lifeless.
Until later...
4:45am - Wake up, open my eyes to feel the burn of light blasting through my semi-opened lids. Get up, drag my ass to the bathroom to get my work out clothes on. Confronted by the dog, who is nothing short of way-too-damn-energetic at this point in the morning. Get dressed, gather my ipod, dog and wife and we head out to go running.
5:45am - Back from running. My body wants me dead. It feels like a thousand fists punching me in unison, and I can't get away. Sweat pours out of me like water from a faucet, and I am feeling light-headed from the hard run. It is good. Feeling wrecked only makes me stronger in the end.
6:45am- Breakfast behind me, I am in the process of closing down the house before we leave. Brandy is in the kitchen giving the dog his medicine, and we are out the door shortly after. In the car listening to the fragments of different talk-radio programming on Sirius. It never fails that they all go to commercial at the same time in the morning. Nothing of real interest this morning. Everyone is amazed at John Edwards' affair. Are you kidding? He's a politician in a position of power, what makes you think he is honest in any way? Get over it. You cheat. He's a cheater. Politicians are lying scum. I knew it.
7:10am - Parked, said our goodbyes, and off to work. Brandy goes up the elevator and go down the train. Its a lottery getting on the train in the mornings. Sometimes its empty and calm, and sometimes its busy and crowded. This morning was the latter of the two. Not too bad though. Got to sit and read. Black Coffee Blues is a really entertaining read.
7:40am - At work, co-workers already working hard on grinding the ole stones away at their day. We don't all have the luxury of getting out of here at 3pm. Checking emails, answering calls. Prioritizing my jobs, and not feeling all the energetic.
8:00am - Busy, but still bored with the current level of exciting work I have. Its either something I am tired of looking at or something I was never that psyched about to begin with.
11:30am - Lunch. Internet is screwy. Email is broken. What a great way to start off the day. Oh well. I will read and write instead. I do not suffer from what the media refers to as Internet Addiction. Please. Unplug your computers, turn off your phones, and stop visiting myspace. Problem solved.
12:44pm - Still not a whole lot going on. This is probably what the day will be like for the rest of it.
Boring. Sad. Lifeless.
Until later...
Friday, August 08, 2008
Never Too Late...
Yesterday I went out to Katy because band practice was canceled. Sometimes shit happens and you just roll with it.
Going out to Katy is always a little surreal because it feels like time travel. Spending most of my formative years in Katy, I have come to loathe the idea of being out there, however, I still have affinities for certain places where memories were made.
Going out to Derek's place is always a good experience because hanging at his place brings back some good ole times that just don't happen as often anymore. We usually try to formulate some songs, talk some shit, rehash music tastes and ideas, and sometimes we just hang and BS each other.
When Harv passed, I thought I'd have a hard time going out there and having to walk right passed his room knowing he'd never be back there. Death is a strange thing. If you let it consume you, it will. I never really had to deal with the death of someone who made such an impact on me as a kid. I know that it must have been and still is hard for Derek and his parents to deal with it, and I know that the loss I feel is a fraction of what they feel.
Recently, I got involved in a project to help make the music of Summer Band available to people for the first time in an organized way. Derek had the DVD of the only Summer Band show to ever be played, and we watched. It was great to Harv at his best. He was having a blast, and I wish I could've been there in person. Without technology, this wouldn't be possible. It was great to see the music and the friendship again.
Sometimes I am reminded of how much space gets placed between people as we grow older. Harvey and Derek and myself were always friends, but we had all been in different places for the past few years. Thats what happens. Life takes you places that you don't realize until you stop and look around and realize that you are alone. Your friends are gone. Its just you and the strangers.
I try not to think that I should've made more of an effort to see Harv. Its not right. We lived the way we chose. We saw what we chose to see. Life can convolute living. It can complicate things. Harv and I were friends til the day he died. I had spoken with him just two weeks prior and he was bummed about not being able to make it out to see my band play. I foolishly thought to myself that there would be other times to hang. I was wrong.
I don't regret. But I miss him. He was a great guy. He had the world going for him, and it was all taken away that night. He will live on in all of his friends hearts and minds. He is a part of all of us. I cannot get over just how similar he and Derek are. It sucks that it takes a tragedy to make you realize that life is totally worth living. Never. Take. It. For. Granted.
Harv will be missed. He is forever 24. Youthful memories will sustain the happiness that he gave any and all who encountered him.
It really is never too late to start living.
Going out to Katy is always a little surreal because it feels like time travel. Spending most of my formative years in Katy, I have come to loathe the idea of being out there, however, I still have affinities for certain places where memories were made.
Going out to Derek's place is always a good experience because hanging at his place brings back some good ole times that just don't happen as often anymore. We usually try to formulate some songs, talk some shit, rehash music tastes and ideas, and sometimes we just hang and BS each other.
When Harv passed, I thought I'd have a hard time going out there and having to walk right passed his room knowing he'd never be back there. Death is a strange thing. If you let it consume you, it will. I never really had to deal with the death of someone who made such an impact on me as a kid. I know that it must have been and still is hard for Derek and his parents to deal with it, and I know that the loss I feel is a fraction of what they feel.
Recently, I got involved in a project to help make the music of Summer Band available to people for the first time in an organized way. Derek had the DVD of the only Summer Band show to ever be played, and we watched. It was great to Harv at his best. He was having a blast, and I wish I could've been there in person. Without technology, this wouldn't be possible. It was great to see the music and the friendship again.
Sometimes I am reminded of how much space gets placed between people as we grow older. Harvey and Derek and myself were always friends, but we had all been in different places for the past few years. Thats what happens. Life takes you places that you don't realize until you stop and look around and realize that you are alone. Your friends are gone. Its just you and the strangers.
I try not to think that I should've made more of an effort to see Harv. Its not right. We lived the way we chose. We saw what we chose to see. Life can convolute living. It can complicate things. Harv and I were friends til the day he died. I had spoken with him just two weeks prior and he was bummed about not being able to make it out to see my band play. I foolishly thought to myself that there would be other times to hang. I was wrong.
I don't regret. But I miss him. He was a great guy. He had the world going for him, and it was all taken away that night. He will live on in all of his friends hearts and minds. He is a part of all of us. I cannot get over just how similar he and Derek are. It sucks that it takes a tragedy to make you realize that life is totally worth living. Never. Take. It. For. Granted.
Harv will be missed. He is forever 24. Youthful memories will sustain the happiness that he gave any and all who encountered him.
It really is never too late to start living.
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
Glass Skin
I walk through the parking garage in the mornings. As I make my way down the stairs, I notice the standing water/trash mixture that waits for the unsuspecting foot to slip into. I try not to let it overcome me, but it is too big for me and it wins. I slip down the last four steps into the wall.
Shocked and annoyed, I gain my composure and check myself for damage. I look around and hope that nobody notices the events that just transpired. What would it have to look like from an onlookers perspective? "Man, that guy just ate shit!" Fuck people. Always waiting for you to fall, waiting for me to fall. Salivating at the chance to put me down and feel more alive than ever before. They need a reason to live, so I guess its my job to provide them with reasons. This morning I failed. Nobody witnessed it. I was as safe as could be from the public scrutiny.
Through the lobby, I make my way to the street. I am hit with the stench of cleaning products trying to wash away last night's urine streams on the ground. Its a sickly sweet smell that is similar to that of a chain smoker trying to cover smoke with perfume. It just screams, "hey, I stink! I tried to hide it though." Please. Those people are so transparent. I'd have more respect for you if you'd just leave it alone. Hiding it makes you look weak. Are you afraid that someone will smell your foul BO? We all have it, so who gives a fuck.
After dodging the mop that nearly soaked my feet with piss-water, I make my way to the train station, and I notice it is just pulling away from the stop. No need to hurry, I'll be waiting for six minutes anyway. I couldn't help but notice the amount of vagrants and homeless that are sleeping on the sides of the rails. Its such irony that the very place where the rich, money-making power-brokers walk to work and commute in is the very place that the homeless people sleep on and use as their toilet.
The real thing is that I believe that most people have taught themselves to ignore the poor bastards. They don't even see the people begging for money. They don't recognize them as real. Its not happening. I'm not listening.
When you have everything at your disposal, all you do is dispose. When you don't have anything, all you do is sift through the disposal. You become the disposal. The problem persists and continues to grow.
I do not advocate supporting the homeless by giving them money or whatever. It is not my job to fund someone else's life, but it is not my job to ignore them either. They are still people. They still have a pulse. I don't know how they ended up on the streets. I don't care. But I do care about people who blatantly ignore things like they'll just go away. It's a terrible lie.
So anyway, I finally get on the train and decide that since there are open seats, I will sit and read. Rather than just moving in, the guy gets up, barely moves out of my way and then I sit next to him. Sorry dude. I apologize for wanting to utilize the seats provided by the transit people. I listened to my tunes and read my book. I looked up a few times to see where we were, but really I was just waiting for the masses to exit. I don't mind a crowd, but this morning crowd of angry fucks can get to you after a while. Everyone feels like they have the right to be in a bad mood in the morning. Why? Because you hate your job? Fuck it, quit. What? You can't? Pussy, stop complaining. I might not be a walking ray of sunshine, but I am at least amiable. I don't try to walk around with a sense of entitlement or arrogance. In fact, I try to do my best to stay out of people's way. I don't want to encounter you, and you do not want to encounter me.
It is always an experience when you make your way through this city. Its not like the other major U.S. cities, but it has it fair share of fucked up things about it.
Shocked and annoyed, I gain my composure and check myself for damage. I look around and hope that nobody notices the events that just transpired. What would it have to look like from an onlookers perspective? "Man, that guy just ate shit!" Fuck people. Always waiting for you to fall, waiting for me to fall. Salivating at the chance to put me down and feel more alive than ever before. They need a reason to live, so I guess its my job to provide them with reasons. This morning I failed. Nobody witnessed it. I was as safe as could be from the public scrutiny.
Through the lobby, I make my way to the street. I am hit with the stench of cleaning products trying to wash away last night's urine streams on the ground. Its a sickly sweet smell that is similar to that of a chain smoker trying to cover smoke with perfume. It just screams, "hey, I stink! I tried to hide it though." Please. Those people are so transparent. I'd have more respect for you if you'd just leave it alone. Hiding it makes you look weak. Are you afraid that someone will smell your foul BO? We all have it, so who gives a fuck.
After dodging the mop that nearly soaked my feet with piss-water, I make my way to the train station, and I notice it is just pulling away from the stop. No need to hurry, I'll be waiting for six minutes anyway. I couldn't help but notice the amount of vagrants and homeless that are sleeping on the sides of the rails. Its such irony that the very place where the rich, money-making power-brokers walk to work and commute in is the very place that the homeless people sleep on and use as their toilet.
The real thing is that I believe that most people have taught themselves to ignore the poor bastards. They don't even see the people begging for money. They don't recognize them as real. Its not happening. I'm not listening.
When you have everything at your disposal, all you do is dispose. When you don't have anything, all you do is sift through the disposal. You become the disposal. The problem persists and continues to grow.
I do not advocate supporting the homeless by giving them money or whatever. It is not my job to fund someone else's life, but it is not my job to ignore them either. They are still people. They still have a pulse. I don't know how they ended up on the streets. I don't care. But I do care about people who blatantly ignore things like they'll just go away. It's a terrible lie.
So anyway, I finally get on the train and decide that since there are open seats, I will sit and read. Rather than just moving in, the guy gets up, barely moves out of my way and then I sit next to him. Sorry dude. I apologize for wanting to utilize the seats provided by the transit people. I listened to my tunes and read my book. I looked up a few times to see where we were, but really I was just waiting for the masses to exit. I don't mind a crowd, but this morning crowd of angry fucks can get to you after a while. Everyone feels like they have the right to be in a bad mood in the morning. Why? Because you hate your job? Fuck it, quit. What? You can't? Pussy, stop complaining. I might not be a walking ray of sunshine, but I am at least amiable. I don't try to walk around with a sense of entitlement or arrogance. In fact, I try to do my best to stay out of people's way. I don't want to encounter you, and you do not want to encounter me.
It is always an experience when you make your way through this city. Its not like the other major U.S. cities, but it has it fair share of fucked up things about it.
Audible Function: Collect Your Feelings! Then Punch them repeatedly until you can't feel them anymore.
Feeling a wave of inspiration, I continue the stream of filth from my mind. Here is a new playlist from my friends over at Muxtape. It really is a great service. Simple. Easy to use. Anyway, shameless plug for them ends...now.
onewaygun.muxtape.com
Dead Low Tide - Navy Buttons
Formed in the wake of Murder City Devils break-up, DLT keep the salt grit of MCD's going with their own brand of Seattle rock that can easily give the listener sea-sickness after playing.
Henry Rollins - My War
Recorded as part of the tribute album to benefit the WM3, this song is amazingly produced and it strikes harder than the original version by Black Flag. One of my favorite songs ever written.
Refused - Dead Rhythm
Sweden's premier hardcore cross-over band is nothing short of brilliant on their last full-length before self-destruction. You can actually hear the tension between members on this album which is what makes it so great. Good things come from cooperation. Great things are forged during tense, rage-filled moments.
Bobby Byrd - Hot Pants (I'm coming...)
Bobby Byrd is probably unknown to most of my peers, however, this song is very 'rock' in my opinion. I really dig a lot of that soul stuff because it was pure rebellion at its finest. Go back to the sixties as a black man and tell me it was easy to live let alone write provactive and rockin' music without the risk of being lynched by scared angry white people. This shit sounds tame by today's standards, but it is rebellion before it had a name.
Against Me! - So Much More
B-side track from New Wave. They recently released the 5-song EP digitally, and I keep asking myself why they didn't tack it onto the full length. These songs are just as good as the others. Anyway, enjoy.
Gorillaz - Rock the House
Still one of my favorite tunes from the band brings some of the best pop sounds around. It's funky, and it makes me want to strut my shit around.
NOFX - The Longest Line
Taken from the "They've actually gotten worse - Live" album. This is a classic NOFX song, and thats pure and simple the only reason I included the song.
Mastadon - Bladecatcher
Mastadon saved metal. They bring the ferocity and brutality that all the other pseudo metal bands have been lacking. Amazing shit.
Metallica - The Four Horsemen
Quite possibly the greatest Metallica song ever written, this song was the sirens call to the world that metal would reign supreme until 1991 when the Black album killed it all. Too bad. I am forced to live in the past, but who says thats a bad thing?
Foo Fighters - Let it Die
Latest single from the FF. I always like anything this band does. Its good, catchy rock music. It's appealing on a mass scale, but it doesn't too often veer into the annoying status.
The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again
Everyone needs a song that makes them want to be sad. This band is nothing short of that, so I randomly picked a song. Here it is. Welcome to the sad festival.
Sonic Youth - Teenage Riot
This song is a great song to choose for any new Sonic Youth listeners out there. While much of their material is experimental and unaccessible to the typical music fan, this song is enough to sink your teeth into. Check out more shit if you aren't familiar.
onewaygun.muxtape.com
Dead Low Tide - Navy Buttons
Formed in the wake of Murder City Devils break-up, DLT keep the salt grit of MCD's going with their own brand of Seattle rock that can easily give the listener sea-sickness after playing.
Henry Rollins - My War
Recorded as part of the tribute album to benefit the WM3, this song is amazingly produced and it strikes harder than the original version by Black Flag. One of my favorite songs ever written.
Refused - Dead Rhythm
Sweden's premier hardcore cross-over band is nothing short of brilliant on their last full-length before self-destruction. You can actually hear the tension between members on this album which is what makes it so great. Good things come from cooperation. Great things are forged during tense, rage-filled moments.
Bobby Byrd - Hot Pants (I'm coming...)
Bobby Byrd is probably unknown to most of my peers, however, this song is very 'rock' in my opinion. I really dig a lot of that soul stuff because it was pure rebellion at its finest. Go back to the sixties as a black man and tell me it was easy to live let alone write provactive and rockin' music without the risk of being lynched by scared angry white people. This shit sounds tame by today's standards, but it is rebellion before it had a name.
Against Me! - So Much More
B-side track from New Wave. They recently released the 5-song EP digitally, and I keep asking myself why they didn't tack it onto the full length. These songs are just as good as the others. Anyway, enjoy.
Gorillaz - Rock the House
Still one of my favorite tunes from the band brings some of the best pop sounds around. It's funky, and it makes me want to strut my shit around.
NOFX - The Longest Line
Taken from the "They've actually gotten worse - Live" album. This is a classic NOFX song, and thats pure and simple the only reason I included the song.
Mastadon - Bladecatcher
Mastadon saved metal. They bring the ferocity and brutality that all the other pseudo metal bands have been lacking. Amazing shit.
Metallica - The Four Horsemen
Quite possibly the greatest Metallica song ever written, this song was the sirens call to the world that metal would reign supreme until 1991 when the Black album killed it all. Too bad. I am forced to live in the past, but who says thats a bad thing?
Foo Fighters - Let it Die
Latest single from the FF. I always like anything this band does. Its good, catchy rock music. It's appealing on a mass scale, but it doesn't too often veer into the annoying status.
The Smiths - Bigmouth Strikes Again
Everyone needs a song that makes them want to be sad. This band is nothing short of that, so I randomly picked a song. Here it is. Welcome to the sad festival.
Sonic Youth - Teenage Riot
This song is a great song to choose for any new Sonic Youth listeners out there. While much of their material is experimental and unaccessible to the typical music fan, this song is enough to sink your teeth into. Check out more shit if you aren't familiar.
3+2 Special: New Lyrics
Riding the 50 in the city on the way home from work is an inspiring trip. I can draw from the energy of this town and turn it in to something new and expressive. Here is my attempt to reconcile certain things around me as I make my way home. Enjoy.
Vagrant City
Watching the rivers swell
Like urine in the streets
Feeling the burning fire
I've been home about a week
When I look at you
All I see is nothing
Watching the cattle feed
Like drunks at a liquor store
Why don't I give 'em all I got
My money, my food, and more
I don't look at you
It's like you don't exist
___________________
Whine
I can't spend all my life
Wondering what could've been
It's time to start living
I don't want to miss my friends
There's no such thing as fate
It's all decisions that you choose
So why'd you blame your problems
On the lifestyle and the booze?
__________________________
Jack Rippers
Jack Rippers
Jack Rippers
Jack Rippers
Jack Rippers
We're coming like pirates in the night
Violent storms are moving in
We're coming like cowboys in the west
We'll be your shit-eating grin!
________________________
Coat Check
Watch your step
it's not your turn
watch your step
when will you learn?
watch your mouth
you can't say that in here
watch your mouth
why don't you just have some fear
your weakness makes me strong
your suffering cures my sickness
____________________________
Half-cocked
Load the gun
check it twice
won't this feeling
be real nice?
place the gun
in your mouth
this is what living
is all about
sometimes life just isn't for living
sometimes you gotta take the one you're given
guns, no glory
guns, no worries
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Weak Words for Weak People
Posting irregularly this week. It's been one of those weeks where you are too busy to slow down and compose your thoughts, and then when you find yourself without anything to take your time, you come to a grinding halt and shut down.
Today I make an honest attempt at reaching within and writing something. In my short experiment, I have realized that like anything worth doing, writing is hard work. To be good and continue to get better, you just have to write. Write everything down. Write whatever comes your way. I don't have any formal training in the ways of this craft, but I like to think that writing can be as easy as speaking your mind. It comes easy if you know how you feel, where you stand and you just don't care what others may think about it.
Obviously, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed. I welcome the disagreements wholeheartedly. Challenge me. Try me. Overcome my position. Dare.
I just finished reading "Broken Summers" by Henry Rollins. It was a great read, and I really got the feeling that he gets it. He knows when to call bullshit. He knows how to pick his battles and utilize his energy in the most efficient ways. There were times that someone would irritate him or piss him off, and you think, "he's gonna take this guy out," he doesn't though. He calms himself and explains that by reacting to people that seek your attention, you hand them a victory. They win. You lose. End of story.
This is really a great life lesson. Just think about how different the world would be if we all picked our battles correctly. Rather than acting on emotion, we acted on rationality. What is the logical thing to do or say at this point? This is the way evolved people think. If we react on emotions and moral value, then we do nothing but rationalize things that are wrong.
I used to react with a certain level of emotion, but I have gained an understanding that this is a waste of my time. I want nothing to do with wasting. Preserve, live, exceed and progress. Evolve.
...And now for something totally redundant, but necessary.
I am glad that George W. Bush is in his last six months. He is the worst. What a guy. He send troops to finish what his daddy started, and here we are four years later, sitting ducks getting picked off one at a time. Hussein was a bad guy, but not connected to Osama Bin Laden in anyway. What was the point? Iraq didn't want to be liberated, and they still don't.
John McCain. What a joke. Please tell me when the nightmare will end. Great war hero. Blah blah blah. Is THIS the criteria for being president? If so, why did George Dubya get elected again. Stop making commercials please.
Barack Obama. Speaks well. Inspires. Stands for change? What is that? Thats like saying "i represent men." Please give me something to work with here. I don't believe you. You have no track record to go by--except those nasty little things you quickly cover up. If I wanted to live in communist russia, I would have been born in 1930. Not my president.
Our options are terrible. We are doomed to head in a downward direction as long as we are content with being told what our choices are instead of making our choices clear.
Woosh! That was the sound of the thought police throwing fear toxins through the windows. Comatose.
Today I make an honest attempt at reaching within and writing something. In my short experiment, I have realized that like anything worth doing, writing is hard work. To be good and continue to get better, you just have to write. Write everything down. Write whatever comes your way. I don't have any formal training in the ways of this craft, but I like to think that writing can be as easy as speaking your mind. It comes easy if you know how you feel, where you stand and you just don't care what others may think about it.
Obviously, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed. I welcome the disagreements wholeheartedly. Challenge me. Try me. Overcome my position. Dare.
I just finished reading "Broken Summers" by Henry Rollins. It was a great read, and I really got the feeling that he gets it. He knows when to call bullshit. He knows how to pick his battles and utilize his energy in the most efficient ways. There were times that someone would irritate him or piss him off, and you think, "he's gonna take this guy out," he doesn't though. He calms himself and explains that by reacting to people that seek your attention, you hand them a victory. They win. You lose. End of story.
This is really a great life lesson. Just think about how different the world would be if we all picked our battles correctly. Rather than acting on emotion, we acted on rationality. What is the logical thing to do or say at this point? This is the way evolved people think. If we react on emotions and moral value, then we do nothing but rationalize things that are wrong.
I used to react with a certain level of emotion, but I have gained an understanding that this is a waste of my time. I want nothing to do with wasting. Preserve, live, exceed and progress. Evolve.
...And now for something totally redundant, but necessary.
I am glad that George W. Bush is in his last six months. He is the worst. What a guy. He send troops to finish what his daddy started, and here we are four years later, sitting ducks getting picked off one at a time. Hussein was a bad guy, but not connected to Osama Bin Laden in anyway. What was the point? Iraq didn't want to be liberated, and they still don't.
John McCain. What a joke. Please tell me when the nightmare will end. Great war hero. Blah blah blah. Is THIS the criteria for being president? If so, why did George Dubya get elected again. Stop making commercials please.
Barack Obama. Speaks well. Inspires. Stands for change? What is that? Thats like saying "i represent men." Please give me something to work with here. I don't believe you. You have no track record to go by--except those nasty little things you quickly cover up. If I wanted to live in communist russia, I would have been born in 1930. Not my president.
Our options are terrible. We are doomed to head in a downward direction as long as we are content with being told what our choices are instead of making our choices clear.
Woosh! That was the sound of the thought police throwing fear toxins through the windows. Comatose.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Audible Function: If you're Pissed, it's not my fault!
It's been a few days since the last post. I thought it was time for me to put a new playlist up for all you people who might read this. I realize that the number is somewhere close to zero, but oh well. This is still my exeriment, and I am still just trying to write for the sake of writing. Without further delay, here are the songs in order:
If You're Pissed, It's Not My Fault!
1. The Circle Jerks - Parade of the Horribles
This is a really great song by the Jerks. Keith Morris is an amzing singer, and this album is one of the few truly great punk albums of all time.
2. Minor Threat - Look Back and Laugh
When I was in HS, I was listening to a lot of early 80's punk/hardcore stuff. I remember listening to this song as I was "restyling" some of my dad's hand-me-down clothes. I took this really crappy looking jacket and turned it into something awesome, but when my parents got a hold of it, they threw it away claiming that I had ruined a perfectly good jacket. If anything, I made it better. Anyway, this song reminds me of that moment, and now I really do look back and laugh at that shit.
2. Minor Threat - 12XU
Another great Minor Threat tune. This song sounds live because of the intro, but it was done at Dischord like everything was back then. All MT songs are awesome, but this made its way onto this playlist this time.
3. Fugazi - Cashout
Cashout is off of the last Fugazi album, The Argument. It is a really great and underrated album. This is one of the best songs on it.
4. Fugazi - The Kill
Another really great song from the same album as before. Really. Honestly.
5. Black Flag - The Bars
If you listen to the words on this song, most people would think the song is literally about being in jail or whatever. I think it has more to do with being trapped inside the Black Flag machine. The bars as their logo provide a great way to disguise the collective idea of Black Flag as a prison. It works, and the song is a jam.
6. Black Flag - Wound Up
I feel like this all the time. Always.
7. Rollins Band - Burned Beyond Recognition
One of the best post-black flag attempts ever. This song is heavier, darker, more spastic and downright dangerous. It is exactly what you should've expected Rollins to do after Black Flag broke up.
8. Rollins Band - Civilized
I really dig this song because it challenges all the bullshit "manly" attitudes that the youth of America think is cool. The idea of being such a little whiny bitch that you need to confront everything with guns and an attitude is so ridiculous to me. Jocks and jackasses can suck it.
9. Rollins Band - Volume 4
Witnessed this song played live in Houston 2006. It was amazing. Enough said.
10. Good Riddance - Second Coming
Good Riddance covered this song from Battalion of Saints. Its a great effort.
11. Blood for Blood - When the Storm (I'll Stand Alone)
This is an EP released song. This band is really good about speaking what they feel, and they don't pull punches or hold anything back. Its no holds barred intense, and I dig the ability to say what you think, and not let it bother you.
Enjoy. Back to regular posts soon. Very busy elsewhere!
If You're Pissed, It's Not My Fault!
1. The Circle Jerks - Parade of the Horribles
This is a really great song by the Jerks. Keith Morris is an amzing singer, and this album is one of the few truly great punk albums of all time.
2. Minor Threat - Look Back and Laugh
When I was in HS, I was listening to a lot of early 80's punk/hardcore stuff. I remember listening to this song as I was "restyling" some of my dad's hand-me-down clothes. I took this really crappy looking jacket and turned it into something awesome, but when my parents got a hold of it, they threw it away claiming that I had ruined a perfectly good jacket. If anything, I made it better. Anyway, this song reminds me of that moment, and now I really do look back and laugh at that shit.
2. Minor Threat - 12XU
Another great Minor Threat tune. This song sounds live because of the intro, but it was done at Dischord like everything was back then. All MT songs are awesome, but this made its way onto this playlist this time.
3. Fugazi - Cashout
Cashout is off of the last Fugazi album, The Argument. It is a really great and underrated album. This is one of the best songs on it.
4. Fugazi - The Kill
Another really great song from the same album as before. Really. Honestly.
5. Black Flag - The Bars
If you listen to the words on this song, most people would think the song is literally about being in jail or whatever. I think it has more to do with being trapped inside the Black Flag machine. The bars as their logo provide a great way to disguise the collective idea of Black Flag as a prison. It works, and the song is a jam.
6. Black Flag - Wound Up
I feel like this all the time. Always.
7. Rollins Band - Burned Beyond Recognition
One of the best post-black flag attempts ever. This song is heavier, darker, more spastic and downright dangerous. It is exactly what you should've expected Rollins to do after Black Flag broke up.
8. Rollins Band - Civilized
I really dig this song because it challenges all the bullshit "manly" attitudes that the youth of America think is cool. The idea of being such a little whiny bitch that you need to confront everything with guns and an attitude is so ridiculous to me. Jocks and jackasses can suck it.
9. Rollins Band - Volume 4
Witnessed this song played live in Houston 2006. It was amazing. Enough said.
10. Good Riddance - Second Coming
Good Riddance covered this song from Battalion of Saints. Its a great effort.
11. Blood for Blood - When the Storm (I'll Stand Alone)
This is an EP released song. This band is really good about speaking what they feel, and they don't pull punches or hold anything back. Its no holds barred intense, and I dig the ability to say what you think, and not let it bother you.
Enjoy. Back to regular posts soon. Very busy elsewhere!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Who will help us, when we fail to help ourselves?
So this morning I decided not to ride the rails, and I hopped in the car instead. As I was trying to re-acquaint myself with the feeling of driving again, I decided to take a slightly different route. I head over to Ella and start heading up to the freeway. There is usually a lot to see on this road it is abound with fast food joints and car dealerships and shiny happy things that suppress your instincts to be weary of them. I am sitting at a light going over the preceding day in my head. What jobs am I working on today? How much down time will there be (if any)? What's the big meeting going to unveil this morning? These are the usually things that run through your mind when you are trying to find a way to make the day go by faster by setting benchmarks or whatever makes you feel like progress is happening.
Here I am. In my car, listening to this totally rad Total Chaos cd that was given to me by Derek as part his unending cleansing ritual of his music collection. If you haven't heard Patriotic Shock, listen to it. Feel the punches. The brutality is enough to put you on your ass. I am into it. Calmly into it. No car dancing or singing for me.
The guitars tear into it, and I look around scanning the area while I wait at the light. I notice a young woman. She might be close to my age, maybe a year older or so. She just left the resident donut shop in these parts, and she is carrying a small bag that I can only assume contains about 1600 pounds of sugar and lard. These are her "guilty" Friday foods. Pay day must be today. Time to celebrate with a hearty-attack.
She is making her way to her car, and bingo, its the BMW with the Hawaiian lay hanging from the rear view mirror. She sees this guy. He's an old guy with a gray beard and worn clothes. He looks rough, but he doesn't look enough like a vagrant to be mistaken for one, so whatever. He's smoking. He's cool. I can't imagine the kind of life this guy has seen. He's probably been to Nam. He's probably lived at least two or three times as much s most of the jerks that take this world for granted. Anyway, the girl. She looks at the man as she approaches her car, and here it comes. In all its glory, she has a bright idea.
It was like time slowed down to a stop. I saw her thoughts pure, simple, vain and masturbatory. The edge of her mouth crept up a hair as if she was thinking to herself about how this would be a way to score points with the man upstairs. "I'm going to be generous today. I am going do something to give back." I see her approach the man with this patronizing look on her face like she was talking to an infant. I actually saw her in a standoffish kind of way offer the guy some donut holes or something. She held the bag out, and the top of the bag aimed at him from like seven feet away. Now, I don't know what the thought process here was. Did she assume the man was homeless and needed food? If so, shame on her. The guy was just enjoying the morning. He was obviously insulted by her attempts to make him feel like he needed her to feed him. Was she genuinely trying to be nice, and would she have done this if anyone were sitting there? Probably not. It's my experience that most people don't give a shit about anyone besides themselves.
The best part was the response of the whole thing. She offers with a patronizing grin/approach, and he shuts her down. Her expression went from self-indulgent happiness to embarrassed jackass. Then she catches me watching the whole thing, and then her face sinks into a "What kind of person am I?" look. It was poetry. The light turned green. Time to go.
Here I am. In my car, listening to this totally rad Total Chaos cd that was given to me by Derek as part his unending cleansing ritual of his music collection. If you haven't heard Patriotic Shock, listen to it. Feel the punches. The brutality is enough to put you on your ass. I am into it. Calmly into it. No car dancing or singing for me.
The guitars tear into it, and I look around scanning the area while I wait at the light. I notice a young woman. She might be close to my age, maybe a year older or so. She just left the resident donut shop in these parts, and she is carrying a small bag that I can only assume contains about 1600 pounds of sugar and lard. These are her "guilty" Friday foods. Pay day must be today. Time to celebrate with a hearty-attack.
She is making her way to her car, and bingo, its the BMW with the Hawaiian lay hanging from the rear view mirror. She sees this guy. He's an old guy with a gray beard and worn clothes. He looks rough, but he doesn't look enough like a vagrant to be mistaken for one, so whatever. He's smoking. He's cool. I can't imagine the kind of life this guy has seen. He's probably been to Nam. He's probably lived at least two or three times as much s most of the jerks that take this world for granted. Anyway, the girl. She looks at the man as she approaches her car, and here it comes. In all its glory, she has a bright idea.
It was like time slowed down to a stop. I saw her thoughts pure, simple, vain and masturbatory. The edge of her mouth crept up a hair as if she was thinking to herself about how this would be a way to score points with the man upstairs. "I'm going to be generous today. I am going do something to give back." I see her approach the man with this patronizing look on her face like she was talking to an infant. I actually saw her in a standoffish kind of way offer the guy some donut holes or something. She held the bag out, and the top of the bag aimed at him from like seven feet away. Now, I don't know what the thought process here was. Did she assume the man was homeless and needed food? If so, shame on her. The guy was just enjoying the morning. He was obviously insulted by her attempts to make him feel like he needed her to feed him. Was she genuinely trying to be nice, and would she have done this if anyone were sitting there? Probably not. It's my experience that most people don't give a shit about anyone besides themselves.
The best part was the response of the whole thing. She offers with a patronizing grin/approach, and he shuts her down. Her expression went from self-indulgent happiness to embarrassed jackass. Then she catches me watching the whole thing, and then her face sinks into a "What kind of person am I?" look. It was poetry. The light turned green. Time to go.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Untitled Post 1.0
An uneventful trip so far...
This morning was fast. Woke up. Got dressed. Rode downtown in the rain. Boarded the train, and sat down. Read my book for the entire thirty minute trip.
Time goes by so much faster when you spend it wisely. I have started to believe that the world slows down if you aren't being proactive in making the most of your time. If I run out of things to do, then my life hits a stand still. Boredom. Terrifying boredom.
I was ill yesterday, and I kept thinking to myself that I was worthless. I hate feeling sick because I know I need to take it easy, but that's the last thing I want to do when I am at home. I want to make progress on something in someway. I am reading about three books at the same time. Maybe I hit it too hard, but I want to read these and move on to other writings by other writers. Some friends have given some good options, so I have a good stockpile to choose from.
Today, I am back at the office. Working. Playing catch up, and trying to pass the time by quickly. band practice is tonight. I am anticipating it being a good one as it usually is. We might try out the new mixer and mics I got for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am really happy with the way things are going with this band. The guys I play with are old friends and we go way back. It's quite the departure from my previous music endeavor with the other band. It was interesting at first to see how far I could go outside my comfort zone with music, but after a while happiness is what won over and caused me to leave them to do what they really wanted to do. No hard feelings. No ill will. Some people are driven for certain things, and if I don't fit into that plan, then I get out of the way. No worries.
Wrote some new lyrics at lunch today. Posted them in the previous entry, and they are pretty self-explanatory. Simple lyrics with a powerful undertone. I started work on some more, but they aren't ready yet. Sit tight.
Anyway, that will do it for me today. Gonna get back to it for another ten minutes and then head to the train for the ride home.
This morning was fast. Woke up. Got dressed. Rode downtown in the rain. Boarded the train, and sat down. Read my book for the entire thirty minute trip.
Time goes by so much faster when you spend it wisely. I have started to believe that the world slows down if you aren't being proactive in making the most of your time. If I run out of things to do, then my life hits a stand still. Boredom. Terrifying boredom.
I was ill yesterday, and I kept thinking to myself that I was worthless. I hate feeling sick because I know I need to take it easy, but that's the last thing I want to do when I am at home. I want to make progress on something in someway. I am reading about three books at the same time. Maybe I hit it too hard, but I want to read these and move on to other writings by other writers. Some friends have given some good options, so I have a good stockpile to choose from.
Today, I am back at the office. Working. Playing catch up, and trying to pass the time by quickly. band practice is tonight. I am anticipating it being a good one as it usually is. We might try out the new mixer and mics I got for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am really happy with the way things are going with this band. The guys I play with are old friends and we go way back. It's quite the departure from my previous music endeavor with the other band. It was interesting at first to see how far I could go outside my comfort zone with music, but after a while happiness is what won over and caused me to leave them to do what they really wanted to do. No hard feelings. No ill will. Some people are driven for certain things, and if I don't fit into that plan, then I get out of the way. No worries.
Wrote some new lyrics at lunch today. Posted them in the previous entry, and they are pretty self-explanatory. Simple lyrics with a powerful undertone. I started work on some more, but they aren't ready yet. Sit tight.
Anyway, that will do it for me today. Gonna get back to it for another ten minutes and then head to the train for the ride home.
(Blank)
(Blank)
Verse 1
This page is blank
For Me
For Me and You
Our time is now
For Me
For Me and You
We get so tough
Yeah Me
Yeah Me and You
Blank Pages Burn
And then
Just Me and You
Chorus 1
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Verse 2
Stare down and focus
Yeah You
Not Me but You
I will Survive
While You
You give in quick
Man, that was weak
Yeah, weak
You make me sick
It's no contest
No No
No No No No
Chorus 2
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Bridge
I'm Blank and I don't think.
My reactions that you see.
They're made of only one thing.
Pure Animal Instincts.
Verse 1
This page is blank
For Me
For Me and You
Our time is now
For Me
For Me and You
We get so tough
Yeah Me
Yeah Me and You
Blank Pages Burn
And then
Just Me and You
Chorus 1
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Verse 2
Stare down and focus
Yeah You
Not Me but You
I will Survive
While You
You give in quick
Man, that was weak
Yeah, weak
You make me sick
It's no contest
No No
No No No No
Chorus 2
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Bridge
I'm Blank and I don't think.
My reactions that you see.
They're made of only one thing.
Pure Animal Instincts.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Toofer Won: Audible Function: "Wish I could've red lined." & Knifed in the...
Okay. Times a wastin', so let's get started. I posted a new playlist today over at the always entertaining muxtape.com. This one was inspired by my trip on the red line today. So without further delay, here it is: onewaygun.muxtape.com
1. Mark Lanegan - Hit the City
This song is the sound of the restless shuffling about their routine. It's a really good traveling song.
2. Bob Dylan - Don't think twice, it's all right
It's Bob Dylan, need I explain?
3. Gorillaz - M1A1
I really dig this song because it has an opener that steals from "Day of the Dead." Riding the train into to work in the morning is like being in the land of zombies. Everyone looks so cold, distant and dead inside, and at any moment they could tar your head off. This song would be the soundtrack if the latter happened.
4. The Ramones - Havana Affair
1976. The end of the status quo for rock music. Any Ramones song will help you escape from the turgid puke we're left with today.
5. Eagles of Death Metal - Chase the Devil
Chase the Devil is a good ass-shaker. When was the last time you heard a rockin' song that made you want to dance and make love rather than fight and be misogynistic? Well, it's here.
6. Saul Williams - Break
Saul Williams might be what hip-hop needs to save itself from self-imploding. So much of hip-hop is represented in material things these days, and Saul Williams is kind of "the people's rapper." He is more accessible than most in the hip-hop scene. It really goes well with the urban environment of the red line.
7. The Hives - Square One, Here I come!
Make excuses. Keep making excuses. Never change the game. This song is your anthem.
8. Daredevils - Hate you
Generally how I feel about everything (initially). I am the eternal skeptic.
9. Dead Boys - Caught with the meat in your mouth
Dead Boys are one of the greatest bands to ever exist. Go buy "Young, Loud and Snotty" as soon as you can.
10. Rollins Band - Step Back
This will leave you feeling violated in the best way.
11. Queens of the Stone Age - I wanna make it wit chu(live)
The gayest song about hetero-lovin'. Really levels the playing field.
12. NOFX - Eat the Meek(dub mix)
Hardly dub, but mostly NOFX.
_________________________________________
Knifed in the ...
Day two is one half over. Today's ride down was much different than the one yesterday. I never expected each day to be the same, but today and yesterday are like night and day by comparison.
We arrive downtown around seven in the morning, and I make my way to the stop just one block south. As I approach the crosswalk, I notice the train heading towards my stop, and I still have one block to go. Naturally, seeing an opportunity to get ahead of my day, I start walking fast to beat it there, and about twenty feet later, I am now jogging through flocks of pigeons that for a half a second give me an extreme fear of all birds. The train passes me, but the large crowd of people loading onto it give me an extra window of opportunity to board.
Before I board, I have to swipe my card, or I run the risk of a fine. My card kept giving me trouble, so fuck it, I'll take my chances. I jump on the the train like it's going out of style (even though they come every six minutes).
At this point I am just hoping to get a place where I can sit and read my book, but as I look around, I see nothing but a few handicapped seats open, and while there are enough elderly or disabled people in this car to easily fill the seats, many of them are too proud to sit. I opt to stand in the event that one of them would eventually need a place to sit. No reading. Standing.
With every stop, the car gets a little more cramped, and more strange people enter. I am now standing next to someone who needs a lesson in how to pack lightly and a vagrant. I prefer the vagrant. At least he doesn't protrude with his "North Face" backpack filled with god knows what into my gut. I mean, whatever he had in there felt as if it were puncturing my skin. I attempted to back in to the corner, but there was no more room. Next stop, he exits, and I check myself for a stab wound.
While the most passive-aggressive knife fight took place, I tried to occupy my mind by observing people. I looked around and tried guess what all of them do for a living. Doctor, receptionist, janitor, cop and the list goes on. I make up names for them all. Nancy is an office assistant for some private practice doctor who cheats on his wife. She knows about it, but doesn't say anything because she wants to leverage herself a raise in a few months. A few months goes by, and it turns out that her boss got caught in the act. Too bad for her because not only was she unable to leverage her raise, but the practice is now owned by the boss's ex-wife as per the terms of the divorce settlement. He lost everything, and in the end Nancy only regretted not getting to it first. Darrell is a construction worker who used to be a fireman until he got trapped under a collapsed beam and has since never been able to be near an open flame. Yolanda, she spends nights working the graveyard at the hospital. She cleans bedpans, and everyday she contemplates suicide.
While I was playing this game in my head, I couldn't help but notice how stone-walled their faces were. Emotionless. As if they weren't really there. One person in particular was getting to me. This girl had entered the train a few stops back. She was not what you would call attractive by conventional standards. She stared at me. Everytime I glance in her direction, there she was, staring. In my head, I screamed, "Can I fucking help you with something?" I had the appearance of ignoring her, but that wasn't going to be the case if this continued much longer. I started to think that maybe she has no idea that she is staring. Maybe she is just looking in my direction. Then I noticed there were some other people on the train looking at me too. Perhaps I had something on me, or I was drawing attention to myself in some way. I have been standing here in this exact spot for the entire trip. I haven't moved. What is the deal?
The last major stop is passed, and all the gawkers have exited. I may never know what those people were staring at, and maybe I am being a little paranoid. I think that given the opportunity, I made it more about me than it actually was. Singled out. What a pussy. Those people didn't give a fuck about me. They too were just trying to make the trip to work more bearable by going deep in their minds for an escape. We all do it. We exit into our minds. Its shelter. Its the only place we can go to be alone. Happiness.
I reach the end. Its just me and the homeless man. I wonder where he was going. Was he going anywhere? When his home is the street then technically he was home the entire time.
Maybe he had a nice home with a wife and kids once. Remember Nancy? This man was her boss.
1. Mark Lanegan - Hit the City
This song is the sound of the restless shuffling about their routine. It's a really good traveling song.
2. Bob Dylan - Don't think twice, it's all right
It's Bob Dylan, need I explain?
3. Gorillaz - M1A1
I really dig this song because it has an opener that steals from "Day of the Dead." Riding the train into to work in the morning is like being in the land of zombies. Everyone looks so cold, distant and dead inside, and at any moment they could tar your head off. This song would be the soundtrack if the latter happened.
4. The Ramones - Havana Affair
1976. The end of the status quo for rock music. Any Ramones song will help you escape from the turgid puke we're left with today.
5. Eagles of Death Metal - Chase the Devil
Chase the Devil is a good ass-shaker. When was the last time you heard a rockin' song that made you want to dance and make love rather than fight and be misogynistic? Well, it's here.
6. Saul Williams - Break
Saul Williams might be what hip-hop needs to save itself from self-imploding. So much of hip-hop is represented in material things these days, and Saul Williams is kind of "the people's rapper." He is more accessible than most in the hip-hop scene. It really goes well with the urban environment of the red line.
7. The Hives - Square One, Here I come!
Make excuses. Keep making excuses. Never change the game. This song is your anthem.
8. Daredevils - Hate you
Generally how I feel about everything (initially). I am the eternal skeptic.
9. Dead Boys - Caught with the meat in your mouth
Dead Boys are one of the greatest bands to ever exist. Go buy "Young, Loud and Snotty" as soon as you can.
10. Rollins Band - Step Back
This will leave you feeling violated in the best way.
11. Queens of the Stone Age - I wanna make it wit chu(live)
The gayest song about hetero-lovin'. Really levels the playing field.
12. NOFX - Eat the Meek(dub mix)
Hardly dub, but mostly NOFX.
_________________________________________
Knifed in the ...
Day two is one half over. Today's ride down was much different than the one yesterday. I never expected each day to be the same, but today and yesterday are like night and day by comparison.
We arrive downtown around seven in the morning, and I make my way to the stop just one block south. As I approach the crosswalk, I notice the train heading towards my stop, and I still have one block to go. Naturally, seeing an opportunity to get ahead of my day, I start walking fast to beat it there, and about twenty feet later, I am now jogging through flocks of pigeons that for a half a second give me an extreme fear of all birds. The train passes me, but the large crowd of people loading onto it give me an extra window of opportunity to board.
Before I board, I have to swipe my card, or I run the risk of a fine. My card kept giving me trouble, so fuck it, I'll take my chances. I jump on the the train like it's going out of style (even though they come every six minutes).
At this point I am just hoping to get a place where I can sit and read my book, but as I look around, I see nothing but a few handicapped seats open, and while there are enough elderly or disabled people in this car to easily fill the seats, many of them are too proud to sit. I opt to stand in the event that one of them would eventually need a place to sit. No reading. Standing.
With every stop, the car gets a little more cramped, and more strange people enter. I am now standing next to someone who needs a lesson in how to pack lightly and a vagrant. I prefer the vagrant. At least he doesn't protrude with his "North Face" backpack filled with god knows what into my gut. I mean, whatever he had in there felt as if it were puncturing my skin. I attempted to back in to the corner, but there was no more room. Next stop, he exits, and I check myself for a stab wound.
While the most passive-aggressive knife fight took place, I tried to occupy my mind by observing people. I looked around and tried guess what all of them do for a living. Doctor, receptionist, janitor, cop and the list goes on. I make up names for them all. Nancy is an office assistant for some private practice doctor who cheats on his wife. She knows about it, but doesn't say anything because she wants to leverage herself a raise in a few months. A few months goes by, and it turns out that her boss got caught in the act. Too bad for her because not only was she unable to leverage her raise, but the practice is now owned by the boss's ex-wife as per the terms of the divorce settlement. He lost everything, and in the end Nancy only regretted not getting to it first. Darrell is a construction worker who used to be a fireman until he got trapped under a collapsed beam and has since never been able to be near an open flame. Yolanda, she spends nights working the graveyard at the hospital. She cleans bedpans, and everyday she contemplates suicide.
While I was playing this game in my head, I couldn't help but notice how stone-walled their faces were. Emotionless. As if they weren't really there. One person in particular was getting to me. This girl had entered the train a few stops back. She was not what you would call attractive by conventional standards. She stared at me. Everytime I glance in her direction, there she was, staring. In my head, I screamed, "Can I fucking help you with something?" I had the appearance of ignoring her, but that wasn't going to be the case if this continued much longer. I started to think that maybe she has no idea that she is staring. Maybe she is just looking in my direction. Then I noticed there were some other people on the train looking at me too. Perhaps I had something on me, or I was drawing attention to myself in some way. I have been standing here in this exact spot for the entire trip. I haven't moved. What is the deal?
The last major stop is passed, and all the gawkers have exited. I may never know what those people were staring at, and maybe I am being a little paranoid. I think that given the opportunity, I made it more about me than it actually was. Singled out. What a pussy. Those people didn't give a fuck about me. They too were just trying to make the trip to work more bearable by going deep in their minds for an escape. We all do it. We exit into our minds. Its shelter. Its the only place we can go to be alone. Happiness.
I reach the end. Its just me and the homeless man. I wonder where he was going. Was he going anywhere? When his home is the street then technically he was home the entire time.
Maybe he had a nice home with a wife and kids once. Remember Nancy? This man was her boss.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Over Exposed: Un-making My Mind
So I decided to let my wife (Brandy) in on the secret of this "blog." She gave me some shit about it, but I knew exactly what i was doing. I was exposing myself. Now she knows, and now I don't care if she knows. No secrets. Now, what's the big deal, right? Who cares if I have a blog?
Well, the thing is that her and I both have had our fare share of laughs over people who feel the need to inundate people with the mindless, droll, garbage-infested words that attempt to self-righteously give us some insight into their "identity." I use quotes because I find that there are really two groups of users on the web: The first group is the one that is looking for interesting writing, something honest (seemingly), and possibly actual literary entertainment; The second group is looking for the need to feed their ego, and they want to have their ego fed to no end.
The second group of people are inevitable. These people are the ones who are afraid to say what is on their mind. They are the ones who hide in the shadows behind names like 'L@die5M@n69' and 'S3xyH00k3r.' They use these identities as shields. They are scared. Scared of being found out. Scared of losing whatever credibility they might presume to have--whatever that is. They live in a constant state of paranoia that maybe th slightest lapse in a new post or blog will leave their "audience" wondering where they've been. Have they slipped? Are they uncool now? What do you mean you have a life outside the web? Unbelievable. Unheard of!
Let me ask you. Who is your audience? Are they people who genuinely and blindly buy your bullshit? Are they people who love and revere your courage to say what is in your heart? Or are they people who revel in your failure? Do they see right though your fake life you've established? Do they salivate at the opportunity to witness your downfall? Your odds aren't favorable. Your chances aren't looking good.
It is our nature to want to feel loved, but it is not our nature to give it back. We seek from others what we lack in ourselves, but we don't give others what they seek from us. Humans are selfish. We stare at destruction with amazement, and we are bored with creation and innovation. Tear down the walls. Rip down the righteous. Find the rotting core that sickens the machine we are plugged into.
Make it your mission to expose, over-expose, and then completely obliterate yourself. Let people in, take chances, stop hiding, stop the fear and paranoia. To be exposed is to be free. To be free is to be without fear. To be without fear is to live. So, Live. Until you let it all out, you will be afraid that you will be found out. Don't give them the satisfaction. Take it back.
Well, the thing is that her and I both have had our fare share of laughs over people who feel the need to inundate people with the mindless, droll, garbage-infested words that attempt to self-righteously give us some insight into their "identity." I use quotes because I find that there are really two groups of users on the web: The first group is the one that is looking for interesting writing, something honest (seemingly), and possibly actual literary entertainment; The second group is looking for the need to feed their ego, and they want to have their ego fed to no end.
The second group of people are inevitable. These people are the ones who are afraid to say what is on their mind. They are the ones who hide in the shadows behind names like 'L@die5M@n69' and 'S3xyH00k3r.' They use these identities as shields. They are scared. Scared of being found out. Scared of losing whatever credibility they might presume to have--whatever that is. They live in a constant state of paranoia that maybe th slightest lapse in a new post or blog will leave their "audience" wondering where they've been. Have they slipped? Are they uncool now? What do you mean you have a life outside the web? Unbelievable. Unheard of!
Let me ask you. Who is your audience? Are they people who genuinely and blindly buy your bullshit? Are they people who love and revere your courage to say what is in your heart? Or are they people who revel in your failure? Do they see right though your fake life you've established? Do they salivate at the opportunity to witness your downfall? Your odds aren't favorable. Your chances aren't looking good.
It is our nature to want to feel loved, but it is not our nature to give it back. We seek from others what we lack in ourselves, but we don't give others what they seek from us. Humans are selfish. We stare at destruction with amazement, and we are bored with creation and innovation. Tear down the walls. Rip down the righteous. Find the rotting core that sickens the machine we are plugged into.
Make it your mission to expose, over-expose, and then completely obliterate yourself. Let people in, take chances, stop hiding, stop the fear and paranoia. To be exposed is to be free. To be free is to be without fear. To be without fear is to live. So, Live. Until you let it all out, you will be afraid that you will be found out. Don't give them the satisfaction. Take it back.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Audible Function: The Playlist
Today has been a rather slow one...
4:45am - Wake up, lay there, fall back asleep, wake up to an excruciating pain of my favorite dog, Nikki, trampling on parts better left un-trampled.
5:10am - Off to the park to go running.
5:15am - Running. Sweating. It's 80 degrees outside already. We officially live in hell.
5:47am - Return home. Dehydrated. Almost pass out (this is normal). Feed the dog, and drink about a gallon of water.
7:10am - After cleaning up, head off to work. Realize I have a coupon for a free smoothie from Starbucks in my pocket, and guess what just opened up down the street.
7:35am - Sitting in traffic, drinking smoothie. Feeling full, and I am at this point ready to go back home and crawl back into bed. I forge on to work.
7:45am - Arrive at work. Start working. Shit hits the fan, and now our submission site isn't working. Guess who gets to deal with the delightful IT people over here....any takers?
10:13am - Finally begin to get some actual work done.
11:00am - Lunch. Go pick up meds for the dog (he has glaucoma-sad).
11:30am - Back at the office, and I am totally uninspired, so I decided to write a blog.
Today's playlist consists of the following songs, and can be found on Muxtape.com. Here is a listing of the tracks along with my thoughts about each one.
"Fictional Songs"
1. A Gun Called Tension - Electric Chair
This song is just a good sleepy song. It's nothing special, but it just seems to be a good song to listen to when yo aren't really inspired by much.
2. Only Crime - Take Me
Only Crime are a great addition to any playlist because they are the perfect blend of the so-cal punk style and the hardcore tendencies of the late eighties. This song is the wake up call from the previous track. It's the exact amount of punch in the face I need to get going.
3. Fugazi - Merchandise
Merchandise is one of my favorite songs by Fugazi. Plain and simple. That's why its on the compilation.
4. Rabbit Ears - For and Against
Rabbit Ears are a band that precedes all things Murder City Devils. It is Spencer Moody's first musical attempt realized on this 4 track EP. It is really a great little record if you want to check it out. Drum machine and keys play a huge role, and it is very R&B influenced.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
This is the first single off the newest NIN album, and it is just a really nicely produced song. The writing from Trent reznor just seems to amplify getting bigger and bigger with every release since 'With Teeth.'
6. Smoke and Smoke - Bathroom Jacket
Two words: Spencer Moody.
7. Neil Young - Sugar Mountain
Sugar Mountain was one of the first songs I ever heard from Neil Young. It seemed so descriptive yet so simple. Its a narrative. It makes me think of fall turning to winter.
8. Heavy Trash - Double Line
I came across Heavy Trash when I was reading Alarm Magazine. They just have a unique take on the rockabilly thing. Its like rockabilly for everyone. It's totally accessible.
9. Dead Kennedys - A Child and His Lawnmower
Classic Dead Kennedys. Not an album hit or single, but its one of my favorite songs by DK.
10. David Bowie - Panic in Detroit
Bowie has always been a favorite of mine, and this little song is quickly working its way up in my top five Bowie songs. Its a great glam-rocker. I can just see the glitter stained dirt.
11. Pixies - Where is My Mind?
One of the greatest songs ever written by a band who in some regard is seriously underrated.
12. The Who - Baba O'Riley
Might be the only song that transcends generations and still speaks to everyone. I can't imagine not putting this on a playlist. It's essential.
Well, thats it. That's the playlist I am rocking today. Check it out while you can because next week, I'll be listening to something totally different. http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
Beep beep.
4:45am - Wake up, lay there, fall back asleep, wake up to an excruciating pain of my favorite dog, Nikki, trampling on parts better left un-trampled.
5:10am - Off to the park to go running.
5:15am - Running. Sweating. It's 80 degrees outside already. We officially live in hell.
5:47am - Return home. Dehydrated. Almost pass out (this is normal). Feed the dog, and drink about a gallon of water.
7:10am - After cleaning up, head off to work. Realize I have a coupon for a free smoothie from Starbucks in my pocket, and guess what just opened up down the street.
7:35am - Sitting in traffic, drinking smoothie. Feeling full, and I am at this point ready to go back home and crawl back into bed. I forge on to work.
7:45am - Arrive at work. Start working. Shit hits the fan, and now our submission site isn't working. Guess who gets to deal with the delightful IT people over here....any takers?
10:13am - Finally begin to get some actual work done.
11:00am - Lunch. Go pick up meds for the dog (he has glaucoma-sad).
11:30am - Back at the office, and I am totally uninspired, so I decided to write a blog.
Today's playlist consists of the following songs, and can be found on Muxtape.com. Here is a listing of the tracks along with my thoughts about each one.
"Fictional Songs"
1. A Gun Called Tension - Electric Chair
This song is just a good sleepy song. It's nothing special, but it just seems to be a good song to listen to when yo aren't really inspired by much.
2. Only Crime - Take Me
Only Crime are a great addition to any playlist because they are the perfect blend of the so-cal punk style and the hardcore tendencies of the late eighties. This song is the wake up call from the previous track. It's the exact amount of punch in the face I need to get going.
3. Fugazi - Merchandise
Merchandise is one of my favorite songs by Fugazi. Plain and simple. That's why its on the compilation.
4. Rabbit Ears - For and Against
Rabbit Ears are a band that precedes all things Murder City Devils. It is Spencer Moody's first musical attempt realized on this 4 track EP. It is really a great little record if you want to check it out. Drum machine and keys play a huge role, and it is very R&B influenced.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
This is the first single off the newest NIN album, and it is just a really nicely produced song. The writing from Trent reznor just seems to amplify getting bigger and bigger with every release since 'With Teeth.'
6. Smoke and Smoke - Bathroom Jacket
Two words: Spencer Moody.
7. Neil Young - Sugar Mountain
Sugar Mountain was one of the first songs I ever heard from Neil Young. It seemed so descriptive yet so simple. Its a narrative. It makes me think of fall turning to winter.
8. Heavy Trash - Double Line
I came across Heavy Trash when I was reading Alarm Magazine. They just have a unique take on the rockabilly thing. Its like rockabilly for everyone. It's totally accessible.
9. Dead Kennedys - A Child and His Lawnmower
Classic Dead Kennedys. Not an album hit or single, but its one of my favorite songs by DK.
10. David Bowie - Panic in Detroit
Bowie has always been a favorite of mine, and this little song is quickly working its way up in my top five Bowie songs. Its a great glam-rocker. I can just see the glitter stained dirt.
11. Pixies - Where is My Mind?
One of the greatest songs ever written by a band who in some regard is seriously underrated.
12. The Who - Baba O'Riley
Might be the only song that transcends generations and still speaks to everyone. I can't imagine not putting this on a playlist. It's essential.
Well, thats it. That's the playlist I am rocking today. Check it out while you can because next week, I'll be listening to something totally different. http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
Beep beep.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Hard Transit.
Today, I start a series of writings that will detail my new commute to and from work on the Houston Transportation System -- METRO. While I am aware that compared to other major metropolitan areas in the country, Houston pales in comparison when it comes to mass transit, I thought that in honor of the new hour and a half commute, I would order some books to read while on the road. The two books on the way are both by Henry Rollins: Broken Summers & Black Coffee Blues Vol. 1.
I have always been a fan of Mr. Rollins' ability to deliver both audibly and on paper. I can't wait to get started. I have some other suggestions from other people that I will be diving into a little later on, but for now, this should do.
Trying to remain true to myself will be the goal, but obviously there is a certain amount of bullshit that even I can't get rid of - sorry in advance.
...and reluctantly, I don't describe too much of what I am going to do versus what I have already done, but it seems I may have already ventured down that road. So, lets back up, and I will tell a story about my experience in Chicago this past June.
We arrived in Chicago in early June and quickly made our way to the CTA trains. It had been about a year since I had been on this train, so I kind of knew where we were supposed to be heading. We made our way down the concourse in the direction of the trains, and we reached an elevator that we assumed would take us down to the level that we needed. Just as we entered the elevator, another couple rushing toward it, came barreling in. What happened in the next five minutes is nothing short of "totally typical" of my luck with others.
They get on the elevator, and they obviously haven't thought about what they are doing or where they are going. Brandy and I have already selected the level we need, and these people look around at the four options, and they push one button that is in the wrong direction of where we are headed. Then realizing what they have done they push the other button below it, so now we are going up instead of down. We go up, nobody gets off. We go back down to where we started, the door opens, and the same people waiting to use the elevator are still standing there--waiting. As luck would have it, they are staring at us as if it is our fault this happened. Then we go down a level (still one more to go before hitting our destination). The door opens, the guy gets off and says, "I don't know where we are supposed to be going," to his wife.
My initial reaction was complete and utter agreement with him, however, when I was hoping the door would shut before he could get back on, he miraculously jumped for it as the door was shutting and made it in just enough time to cause the doors to open all the way back up and do the usual stay open for about five seconds routine.
Then the most amazing thing happened, as the elevator started to go down to our destination, the guy's wife pushes the button of the floor where we initially started. She said to her husband, "we just need to start over."
I thought three things to myself,...
1) Was she referring to starting over in the "we obviously don't know where the hell we need to be" kind of way? or was she referring to starting over completely with her selection of husband/significant other/taste in men in general? At that point it really could've gone either way.
2) This really could've been avoided if we had held the "close door" button down a little harder.
3) Oh my god. If murder was legal, I ...
Well, after all of that Seinfeld drama, we finally made it to our destination which just happens to be the one place in Chicago that actually smells like the inside of an asshole. It looks clean, but smells like a sunbaked wet fart. I am convinced that that is why they have those conveyor belt walking paths in there -- to get you through there much faster.
Once we made it to the train pass machine, we were greeted with a slew of error messages and canceled transaction notices. So far, what a great trip. I can't help but compare the elevator experience with the actual trek to the train, and wonder what was worse, a shit smelling fart cavern or a fart eating shit head in the elevator.
Definitely, the elevator incident. Definitely.
I have always been a fan of Mr. Rollins' ability to deliver both audibly and on paper. I can't wait to get started. I have some other suggestions from other people that I will be diving into a little later on, but for now, this should do.
Trying to remain true to myself will be the goal, but obviously there is a certain amount of bullshit that even I can't get rid of - sorry in advance.
...and reluctantly, I don't describe too much of what I am going to do versus what I have already done, but it seems I may have already ventured down that road. So, lets back up, and I will tell a story about my experience in Chicago this past June.
We arrived in Chicago in early June and quickly made our way to the CTA trains. It had been about a year since I had been on this train, so I kind of knew where we were supposed to be heading. We made our way down the concourse in the direction of the trains, and we reached an elevator that we assumed would take us down to the level that we needed. Just as we entered the elevator, another couple rushing toward it, came barreling in. What happened in the next five minutes is nothing short of "totally typical" of my luck with others.They get on the elevator, and they obviously haven't thought about what they are doing or where they are going. Brandy and I have already selected the level we need, and these people look around at the four options, and they push one button that is in the wrong direction of where we are headed. Then realizing what they have done they push the other button below it, so now we are going up instead of down. We go up, nobody gets off. We go back down to where we started, the door opens, and the same people waiting to use the elevator are still standing there--waiting. As luck would have it, they are staring at us as if it is our fault this happened. Then we go down a level (still one more to go before hitting our destination). The door opens, the guy gets off and says, "I don't know where we are supposed to be going," to his wife.
My initial reaction was complete and utter agreement with him, however, when I was hoping the door would shut before he could get back on, he miraculously jumped for it as the door was shutting and made it in just enough time to cause the doors to open all the way back up and do the usual stay open for about five seconds routine.
Then the most amazing thing happened, as the elevator started to go down to our destination, the guy's wife pushes the button of the floor where we initially started. She said to her husband, "we just need to start over."
I thought three things to myself,...
1) Was she referring to starting over in the "we obviously don't know where the hell we need to be" kind of way? or was she referring to starting over completely with her selection of husband/significant other/taste in men in general? At that point it really could've gone either way.
2) This really could've been avoided if we had held the "close door" button down a little harder.
3) Oh my god. If murder was legal, I ...
Well, after all of that Seinfeld drama, we finally made it to our destination which just happens to be the one place in Chicago that actually smells like the inside of an asshole. It looks clean, but smells like a sunbaked wet fart. I am convinced that that is why they have those conveyor belt walking paths in there -- to get you through there much faster.
Once we made it to the train pass machine, we were greeted with a slew of error messages and canceled transaction notices. So far, what a great trip. I can't help but compare the elevator experience with the actual trek to the train, and wonder what was worse, a shit smelling fart cavern or a fart eating shit head in the elevator.
Definitely, the elevator incident. Definitely.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)