Private Investigator
I'm waiting in the parking lot
i'm waiting in the car
i'm waiting so i can figure out
just who you are
raining heavy in the evening
cold and darkness all around
gonna wait until i get a chance
then i'll put you underground
don't call me scared, call me paranoid
its the reason that i'm here
i came to finish what was started
to try and face my fears
like a weight is being lifted
off my shoulders off my mind
don't look inside me, trust me
you might not like what you find
Chorus:
do you see me? because i see you.
trying like a pro to get dirt on me
do you know me? because i know you.
know you like the wound that i watch bleed
Friday, October 10, 2008
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
New Song : Murderous Shores (inspired by the book called Dead Low Tide that I have not read)
Murderous Shores
punch drunk in the cellar of despair and waste. you'd think i was an alcoholic by the look on my face. i've seen that look a million times in the mirror, like a ship without a captain, there's no one to steer her.
the dawn is breaking on my back and time is thinning. record shows that all my enemies keep winning. and when you come to me and ask me what I'm thinking,...I'll tell you nothings wrong and my life has no meaning.
apart from all the damage that the sea has wrought. i got a thousand memories that will soon be lost. on the ocean floor and on the door my existence will stay. by the pistol's wrath and bullets path my body will lay.
wrapped in soiled linens and tied up real tight. this is not the proper send off that I might have liked. but i'll take what i can get, you see i have no choice. the seas will silence fires just like it has my voice.
chorus:
take a knee, on these murderous shores
give thanks for all the times we had, there won't be more
punch drunk in the cellar of despair and waste. you'd think i was an alcoholic by the look on my face. i've seen that look a million times in the mirror, like a ship without a captain, there's no one to steer her.
the dawn is breaking on my back and time is thinning. record shows that all my enemies keep winning. and when you come to me and ask me what I'm thinking,...I'll tell you nothings wrong and my life has no meaning.
apart from all the damage that the sea has wrought. i got a thousand memories that will soon be lost. on the ocean floor and on the door my existence will stay. by the pistol's wrath and bullets path my body will lay.
wrapped in soiled linens and tied up real tight. this is not the proper send off that I might have liked. but i'll take what i can get, you see i have no choice. the seas will silence fires just like it has my voice.
chorus:
take a knee, on these murderous shores
give thanks for all the times we had, there won't be more
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Hurricane Ike & The Disasters (that come out of peoples mouths)
So as the world may know, a little hurricane named Ike came rolling through the area last week on Saturday morning. Also, yo may be aware that large portions of the city are still without power or homes to even go back to.
My condolences to all the displaced people who lost everything is what is arguably the most devastating thing to hit the Texas coast this year.
I have been paying to attention the news and the way that the coverage is being handled, and I gotta say that even the local news media is fishing for shit. They are really trying to find holes in the plans for recovery, so they can be the network that broke through the secrets. Its sickening. I mean, here we are literally powerless, water is mostly working, a cool-down came blowing in, and all people can do is point fingers and make it all about them.
First off, if you have a house, and the water is running, then shut the fuck up about power. Its okay that you don't have a TV or air conditioner for a while. Get off your ass and do something. Also, remind yourself that while you were being totally selfish, there are many people in the Galveston area who have lost everything they had, and that they may continue to lose more if martial law is declared in their part of the state.
People are frustrated. I get it. I am too. Everyone has a different situation, and while I understand that you think yours is more important than others', it's not. Not by a long shot.
Stop coming down on the hard-working volunteers that are here to help out. They are people just like you. They have to eat and sleep and work as well. They are unfortunately states and counties away from their homes and families sacrificing their time to help you. The least you can do is simply shut the fuck up, get comfortable, and wait.
They are doing what they can. No conspiracies. Just hard work. Power, no power. Fuck. people did it for thousands of years, you can too. If you can't hack it, then I guess you'll be thinned from the herd.
Fuck.
My condolences to all the displaced people who lost everything is what is arguably the most devastating thing to hit the Texas coast this year.
I have been paying to attention the news and the way that the coverage is being handled, and I gotta say that even the local news media is fishing for shit. They are really trying to find holes in the plans for recovery, so they can be the network that broke through the secrets. Its sickening. I mean, here we are literally powerless, water is mostly working, a cool-down came blowing in, and all people can do is point fingers and make it all about them.
First off, if you have a house, and the water is running, then shut the fuck up about power. Its okay that you don't have a TV or air conditioner for a while. Get off your ass and do something. Also, remind yourself that while you were being totally selfish, there are many people in the Galveston area who have lost everything they had, and that they may continue to lose more if martial law is declared in their part of the state.
People are frustrated. I get it. I am too. Everyone has a different situation, and while I understand that you think yours is more important than others', it's not. Not by a long shot.
Stop coming down on the hard-working volunteers that are here to help out. They are people just like you. They have to eat and sleep and work as well. They are unfortunately states and counties away from their homes and families sacrificing their time to help you. The least you can do is simply shut the fuck up, get comfortable, and wait.
They are doing what they can. No conspiracies. Just hard work. Power, no power. Fuck. people did it for thousands of years, you can too. If you can't hack it, then I guess you'll be thinned from the herd.
Fuck.
Thursday, September 04, 2008
The Times, They Are A Changin'
How would you like to be punched in the face? No? Really?
Well, okay, I guess I can let it slide then. Speaeking of getting punched in the face, this morning, I woke up.
Not that waking and up and getting punched in the face are anywhere close, but I guess they could be if the right circumstances presented themselves at the right time.
I am awake, I do the morning thing. Dreading the likelihood that I will behaving the same dull breakfast (multigrain eggo waffles), I have a grand idea. Breakfast Tacos! Made them and ate them. Badass. I should do that every morning, wait--I am trying to not to join the ranks of the Wal-Mart shoppers physique, so maybe once a week is fine.
Out the door early, nothing brewing on the mind, and all the sudden I open the front door to -- what's this?--could it be?--cool wind blowing in the air, and the familiar smell of a summer's death. It was the first time I had felt good about going outside since march. A million memories of years past came flooding into my brain.
Even though I know the season hasn't officially ended yet, I get the sense that Summer is on its way out, and I am happy to see it go. This summer has been especially brutal in terms of heat and not a lot of rain. Despite hurricane warnings and tropical storms that just barely miss here, we are bone dry as a city.
I prefer the rain. It helps me make it through the summers with ease. Needless to say tht this summer has not been an easy one. But I'll survive as I have since birth, or wait...have I been getting prepared for death since birth? Too heavy? yeah, too heavy.
Posting regularly has become harder these days due to the rise in work work work. I am trying, but sometimes there isn't anything to report or write about. What d'ya want from me?
I am looking forward to all the things in the next few months leading into winter. There are some shows, and festivals, and some other things that I am psyched about, but we'll see if the funds will be there for those things to become realized. Besides that, I am going to do my best to help Brandy get thru the last two quarters as easy as possible. Don't know how I am going to do that, but I never know until I am given task of some sort, so wish me luck. I won't need it. I'd do anything for her, and she knows it.
Well, this was fun. I am off to get my brain ripped out, guts splayed in front of me, and then ground into meat for another eight hours. Til next time.
Well, okay, I guess I can let it slide then. Speaeking of getting punched in the face, this morning, I woke up.
Not that waking and up and getting punched in the face are anywhere close, but I guess they could be if the right circumstances presented themselves at the right time.
I am awake, I do the morning thing. Dreading the likelihood that I will behaving the same dull breakfast (multigrain eggo waffles), I have a grand idea. Breakfast Tacos! Made them and ate them. Badass. I should do that every morning, wait--I am trying to not to join the ranks of the Wal-Mart shoppers physique, so maybe once a week is fine.
Out the door early, nothing brewing on the mind, and all the sudden I open the front door to -- what's this?--could it be?--cool wind blowing in the air, and the familiar smell of a summer's death. It was the first time I had felt good about going outside since march. A million memories of years past came flooding into my brain.
Even though I know the season hasn't officially ended yet, I get the sense that Summer is on its way out, and I am happy to see it go. This summer has been especially brutal in terms of heat and not a lot of rain. Despite hurricane warnings and tropical storms that just barely miss here, we are bone dry as a city.
I prefer the rain. It helps me make it through the summers with ease. Needless to say tht this summer has not been an easy one. But I'll survive as I have since birth, or wait...have I been getting prepared for death since birth? Too heavy? yeah, too heavy.
Posting regularly has become harder these days due to the rise in work work work. I am trying, but sometimes there isn't anything to report or write about. What d'ya want from me?
I am looking forward to all the things in the next few months leading into winter. There are some shows, and festivals, and some other things that I am psyched about, but we'll see if the funds will be there for those things to become realized. Besides that, I am going to do my best to help Brandy get thru the last two quarters as easy as possible. Don't know how I am going to do that, but I never know until I am given task of some sort, so wish me luck. I won't need it. I'd do anything for her, and she knows it.
Well, this was fun. I am off to get my brain ripped out, guts splayed in front of me, and then ground into meat for another eight hours. Til next time.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
American Damage 3
Part 3
I have been confronted recently with having to reconcile my feelings about certain aspects of day to day life. Things that were once thought to be "lower" than where I was/or am are becoming more and more a part of who I am/what I do.
This is what I like to call the evolution of a man. When we are in a comfortable space, it is very easy to cast judgments, stereotype and down-play others' lifestyles.
I have grown simply from trying to be more understanding of other people. It takes some patience to try and see the world from behind someone else's eyes. I'll admit it, I most of the time don't concern myself with others. I stick to what I need to know. Me. But sometimes, people provide me with the material on which I will focus.
I can be very harsh sometimes, but the world will never feel regretful for being just as harsh towards me. I try my best to be accomodating, so I can be left alone. If you get too involved, people think you care. I cannot have people getting me wrapped up in their world. I have enough to worry about...this doesn't involve you.
When I get involved, its instinct. A woman drops her bag on the train, I pick it up and hand it to her. Its not because I care about her, but more because of manners and not wanting her fumbling around on the floor making it that much harder to be left alone. I see the problem. I create a solution that makes the least amount of involvement of me and you possible.
Am I damaged? Maybe. I would be a lot worse if I had pieces of me floating around in the drama of everyone I encountered. The way I see it. Its self-preservation. Keeping me to me and you to you.
As long as we do not interact, we will not complicate each other, or better yet, you will not complicate me. I mean no disrespect. I just do not care for you or your kind. Hate. Too strong? Ask me again. Hate. Dislike is not a strong enough word. Hate. Fits the bill. No disrespect. Hate.
I use this tactic when observing and opening my mind to new ideas and people. I open the windows but the not the door. I look but do not attempt to touch. I observe without questions. I want to draw my own conclusions about things. I don't want you history book of answers. I don't want to have a conversation with you, but I want to observe you in your natural environment. Like an animal in a zoo. Caged for me to learn. Learn to avoid you. Learn to accept, avoid and possibly dominate you. Hate.
I have been confronted recently with having to reconcile my feelings about certain aspects of day to day life. Things that were once thought to be "lower" than where I was/or am are becoming more and more a part of who I am/what I do.
This is what I like to call the evolution of a man. When we are in a comfortable space, it is very easy to cast judgments, stereotype and down-play others' lifestyles.
I have grown simply from trying to be more understanding of other people. It takes some patience to try and see the world from behind someone else's eyes. I'll admit it, I most of the time don't concern myself with others. I stick to what I need to know. Me. But sometimes, people provide me with the material on which I will focus.
I can be very harsh sometimes, but the world will never feel regretful for being just as harsh towards me. I try my best to be accomodating, so I can be left alone. If you get too involved, people think you care. I cannot have people getting me wrapped up in their world. I have enough to worry about...this doesn't involve you.
When I get involved, its instinct. A woman drops her bag on the train, I pick it up and hand it to her. Its not because I care about her, but more because of manners and not wanting her fumbling around on the floor making it that much harder to be left alone. I see the problem. I create a solution that makes the least amount of involvement of me and you possible.
Am I damaged? Maybe. I would be a lot worse if I had pieces of me floating around in the drama of everyone I encountered. The way I see it. Its self-preservation. Keeping me to me and you to you.
As long as we do not interact, we will not complicate each other, or better yet, you will not complicate me. I mean no disrespect. I just do not care for you or your kind. Hate. Too strong? Ask me again. Hate. Dislike is not a strong enough word. Hate. Fits the bill. No disrespect. Hate.
I use this tactic when observing and opening my mind to new ideas and people. I open the windows but the not the door. I look but do not attempt to touch. I observe without questions. I want to draw my own conclusions about things. I don't want you history book of answers. I don't want to have a conversation with you, but I want to observe you in your natural environment. Like an animal in a zoo. Caged for me to learn. Learn to avoid you. Learn to accept, avoid and possibly dominate you. Hate.
Wire Lure
You may recognize the change.
You may choose to ignore it.
You may accept and embrace it.
You may choose to destroy it.
You may regret the change you made.
You may think nothing of it.
You may wish you could take it back.
You may break wide open or plummet.
You may see it in the distance.
You may think you see it but don't.
You may see it and be afraid.
You may steal it, sell it, and never know.
You may fall into to shadow.
You may wish you looked beforehand.
You may have meant to fall so far.
You may choose to sit or stand.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure that breaks your smile.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure, the sickness is so vile.
You may choose to ignore it.
You may accept and embrace it.
You may choose to destroy it.
You may regret the change you made.
You may think nothing of it.
You may wish you could take it back.
You may break wide open or plummet.
You may see it in the distance.
You may think you see it but don't.
You may see it and be afraid.
You may steal it, sell it, and never know.
You may fall into to shadow.
You may wish you looked beforehand.
You may have meant to fall so far.
You may choose to sit or stand.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure that breaks your smile.
You are the wire lure.
The wire lure, the sickness is so vile.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Not Feeling It...
Today I am just not feeling it.
Can't get inspired. Can't get out of this rut.
Burned through a workout this morning and felt wrecked afterwards. Other than that, today seems like going through the motions. I just want to be at home, where I can relax.
Bought a DVD this weekend, and I got it on the basis that some poor retail employee forgot to take down the sale sign. I know how to play that game. I worked in that business for years, and I know what to look for. Man, they hate the shit out of you when they know you're kind of an "insider."
So, the movie is, "I'm Not There." The Bob Dylan biopic played by many different people. Haven't seen it yet, but the special edition 2-disc for 6.99 isn't a bad deal at all. Looking forward to watching it.
Continuing to write lyrics like nobody's business. Write. Write. Write. Everything gets written. There are some really terrible things, but at the same time, there are some gems.
Figured out how to shave thirty minutes off the bus ride home. Trying that out today.
Listening to The Germs "MIA:The Complete Germs"
Wishing I was playing music right now instead of beating my brain into a pulp as i try to dig some motivation to work.
Can't get inspired. Can't get out of this rut.
Burned through a workout this morning and felt wrecked afterwards. Other than that, today seems like going through the motions. I just want to be at home, where I can relax.
Bought a DVD this weekend, and I got it on the basis that some poor retail employee forgot to take down the sale sign. I know how to play that game. I worked in that business for years, and I know what to look for. Man, they hate the shit out of you when they know you're kind of an "insider."
So, the movie is, "I'm Not There." The Bob Dylan biopic played by many different people. Haven't seen it yet, but the special edition 2-disc for 6.99 isn't a bad deal at all. Looking forward to watching it.
Continuing to write lyrics like nobody's business. Write. Write. Write. Everything gets written. There are some really terrible things, but at the same time, there are some gems.
Figured out how to shave thirty minutes off the bus ride home. Trying that out today.
Listening to The Germs "MIA:The Complete Germs"
Wishing I was playing music right now instead of beating my brain into a pulp as i try to dig some motivation to work.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
American Damage 1 & 2
Part 1
Yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot of time to write this post, so today you get a two for one special.
My usual routine was followed, and I was downtown waiting for the train. The sky was overcast with spots of obvious rain and darkness. The wind blew violently down the corridors carved by the buildings, and there was a smell in the air that is usually typical of Fall in Houston. Given it is the middle of August, we aren't even close to Fall yet. I wondered whether this was just a nice break from the usual weather or something apocalyptic was happening. It's not that I actually believed that some doomsday thing was actually happening, but I must be paranoid about everything. It is in my nature to suspect that the worst will happen.
So...I am standing there with the masses waiting for our carriage to arrive, swoop us up, and take us away. Almost immediately, a man on a bicycle came riding up across the street from the stop, and he was yelling in anger about his sins, lies, and plain old being human. He then stops, looks at everyone waiting for the train and begins to scream his rants in our direction. Telling us all that we (collectively) are essentially going to burn for all eternity, and that he knows sin is what we are made from. Its as if he believes that at 7:15am people actually care what the fuck he is thinking or saying. A few minutes go by, and I realize this guy is still going. I look around to observe what other people are making of this guy.
The gay couple standing next to me were mid-sentence interrupted in their conversation when this guy began, and now that he is essentially singling-out people and damning them to hell, the couple turned away and start their initial conversation following one of the guys saying, "I don't have to listen to this crap."
There were quite a few people who I am positive did not speak english because they di not look up even once in acknowledgment of the antics.
Then there were those that were like me. Checking watches for the time, peeking out into the rail track to see where the train was, or just trying to figure out what set this guy off.
Just before the train pulled up to the stop, I noticed a huge gust of wind blow down the road, and it nearly knocked this guy off of his bike. He was very frail. Like he has spent the bulk of his life barely living. I looked up, and the sky was churning with gray. At this exact moment, the man continued his hellfire and brimstone rants, and I pressed play on my ipod to immediately drown the man out.
Glenn Danzig's voice lit up the speakers in my headphones with the song Halloween off of the 12 Hits from Hell album that never got released.
It was amazing how perfect the timing was for that to happen.
Part 2
What is it about people these days? Why are we so quick to run to the lawyers? What happened to just sucking it up and moving on? I am so sick and tired of hearing about how somebody else is offended by someones opinion.
This morning I heard a story on Fox News where they were discussing the new Ben Stiller movie, Tropic Thunder. The were going over the fact hat the movie uses the term "retard" a lot to describe the mentally retarded, and their are "rights" groups protesting the movie because of these words.
Let me first say that people are retards. What is wrong with using that word? Its in a movie, and now they want it banned?! Gimme a break. You can't ban words. It's retarded.
To all of the idiots out there that take offense to little things like this, please do us a favor and go fuck yourselves. I have a great deal of respect for mentally retarded people and their ability to get through life in spite of the tremendous struggles they face, but c'mon! Enough is enough.
Grow some skin, get a life, and have some fun. Stop trying to ban words because when taken out of context, you were offended. Learn to laugh at our differences, not in hate or disgust, but in the fact that if we can just learn to laugh at our unique characteristics, then we may actually be more understanding in the long run.
This is is just disguised censorship. It is disguised intolerance. Anyone who thinks otherwise must be one of them.
Yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot of time to write this post, so today you get a two for one special.
My usual routine was followed, and I was downtown waiting for the train. The sky was overcast with spots of obvious rain and darkness. The wind blew violently down the corridors carved by the buildings, and there was a smell in the air that is usually typical of Fall in Houston. Given it is the middle of August, we aren't even close to Fall yet. I wondered whether this was just a nice break from the usual weather or something apocalyptic was happening. It's not that I actually believed that some doomsday thing was actually happening, but I must be paranoid about everything. It is in my nature to suspect that the worst will happen.
So...I am standing there with the masses waiting for our carriage to arrive, swoop us up, and take us away. Almost immediately, a man on a bicycle came riding up across the street from the stop, and he was yelling in anger about his sins, lies, and plain old being human. He then stops, looks at everyone waiting for the train and begins to scream his rants in our direction. Telling us all that we (collectively) are essentially going to burn for all eternity, and that he knows sin is what we are made from. Its as if he believes that at 7:15am people actually care what the fuck he is thinking or saying. A few minutes go by, and I realize this guy is still going. I look around to observe what other people are making of this guy.
The gay couple standing next to me were mid-sentence interrupted in their conversation when this guy began, and now that he is essentially singling-out people and damning them to hell, the couple turned away and start their initial conversation following one of the guys saying, "I don't have to listen to this crap."
There were quite a few people who I am positive did not speak english because they di not look up even once in acknowledgment of the antics.
Then there were those that were like me. Checking watches for the time, peeking out into the rail track to see where the train was, or just trying to figure out what set this guy off.
Just before the train pulled up to the stop, I noticed a huge gust of wind blow down the road, and it nearly knocked this guy off of his bike. He was very frail. Like he has spent the bulk of his life barely living. I looked up, and the sky was churning with gray. At this exact moment, the man continued his hellfire and brimstone rants, and I pressed play on my ipod to immediately drown the man out.
Glenn Danzig's voice lit up the speakers in my headphones with the song Halloween off of the 12 Hits from Hell album that never got released.
It was amazing how perfect the timing was for that to happen.
Part 2
What is it about people these days? Why are we so quick to run to the lawyers? What happened to just sucking it up and moving on? I am so sick and tired of hearing about how somebody else is offended by someones opinion.
This morning I heard a story on Fox News where they were discussing the new Ben Stiller movie, Tropic Thunder. The were going over the fact hat the movie uses the term "retard" a lot to describe the mentally retarded, and their are "rights" groups protesting the movie because of these words.
Let me first say that people are retards. What is wrong with using that word? Its in a movie, and now they want it banned?! Gimme a break. You can't ban words. It's retarded.
To all of the idiots out there that take offense to little things like this, please do us a favor and go fuck yourselves. I have a great deal of respect for mentally retarded people and their ability to get through life in spite of the tremendous struggles they face, but c'mon! Enough is enough.
Grow some skin, get a life, and have some fun. Stop trying to ban words because when taken out of context, you were offended. Learn to laugh at our differences, not in hate or disgust, but in the fact that if we can just learn to laugh at our unique characteristics, then we may actually be more understanding in the long run.
This is is just disguised censorship. It is disguised intolerance. Anyone who thinks otherwise must be one of them.
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