Posting irregularly this week. It's been one of those weeks where you are too busy to slow down and compose your thoughts, and then when you find yourself without anything to take your time, you come to a grinding halt and shut down.
Today I make an honest attempt at reaching within and writing something. In my short experiment, I have realized that like anything worth doing, writing is hard work. To be good and continue to get better, you just have to write. Write everything down. Write whatever comes your way. I don't have any formal training in the ways of this craft, but I like to think that writing can be as easy as speaking your mind. It comes easy if you know how you feel, where you stand and you just don't care what others may think about it.
Obviously, the world would be a boring place if we all agreed. I welcome the disagreements wholeheartedly. Challenge me. Try me. Overcome my position. Dare.
I just finished reading "Broken Summers" by Henry Rollins. It was a great read, and I really got the feeling that he gets it. He knows when to call bullshit. He knows how to pick his battles and utilize his energy in the most efficient ways. There were times that someone would irritate him or piss him off, and you think, "he's gonna take this guy out," he doesn't though. He calms himself and explains that by reacting to people that seek your attention, you hand them a victory. They win. You lose. End of story.
This is really a great life lesson. Just think about how different the world would be if we all picked our battles correctly. Rather than acting on emotion, we acted on rationality. What is the logical thing to do or say at this point? This is the way evolved people think. If we react on emotions and moral value, then we do nothing but rationalize things that are wrong.
I used to react with a certain level of emotion, but I have gained an understanding that this is a waste of my time. I want nothing to do with wasting. Preserve, live, exceed and progress. Evolve.
...And now for something totally redundant, but necessary.
I am glad that George W. Bush is in his last six months. He is the worst. What a guy. He send troops to finish what his daddy started, and here we are four years later, sitting ducks getting picked off one at a time. Hussein was a bad guy, but not connected to Osama Bin Laden in anyway. What was the point? Iraq didn't want to be liberated, and they still don't.
John McCain. What a joke. Please tell me when the nightmare will end. Great war hero. Blah blah blah. Is THIS the criteria for being president? If so, why did George Dubya get elected again. Stop making commercials please.
Barack Obama. Speaks well. Inspires. Stands for change? What is that? Thats like saying "i represent men." Please give me something to work with here. I don't believe you. You have no track record to go by--except those nasty little things you quickly cover up. If I wanted to live in communist russia, I would have been born in 1930. Not my president.
Our options are terrible. We are doomed to head in a downward direction as long as we are content with being told what our choices are instead of making our choices clear.
Woosh! That was the sound of the thought police throwing fear toxins through the windows. Comatose.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Audible Function: If you're Pissed, it's not my fault!
It's been a few days since the last post. I thought it was time for me to put a new playlist up for all you people who might read this. I realize that the number is somewhere close to zero, but oh well. This is still my exeriment, and I am still just trying to write for the sake of writing. Without further delay, here are the songs in order:
If You're Pissed, It's Not My Fault!
1. The Circle Jerks - Parade of the Horribles
This is a really great song by the Jerks. Keith Morris is an amzing singer, and this album is one of the few truly great punk albums of all time.
2. Minor Threat - Look Back and Laugh
When I was in HS, I was listening to a lot of early 80's punk/hardcore stuff. I remember listening to this song as I was "restyling" some of my dad's hand-me-down clothes. I took this really crappy looking jacket and turned it into something awesome, but when my parents got a hold of it, they threw it away claiming that I had ruined a perfectly good jacket. If anything, I made it better. Anyway, this song reminds me of that moment, and now I really do look back and laugh at that shit.
2. Minor Threat - 12XU
Another great Minor Threat tune. This song sounds live because of the intro, but it was done at Dischord like everything was back then. All MT songs are awesome, but this made its way onto this playlist this time.
3. Fugazi - Cashout
Cashout is off of the last Fugazi album, The Argument. It is a really great and underrated album. This is one of the best songs on it.
4. Fugazi - The Kill
Another really great song from the same album as before. Really. Honestly.
5. Black Flag - The Bars
If you listen to the words on this song, most people would think the song is literally about being in jail or whatever. I think it has more to do with being trapped inside the Black Flag machine. The bars as their logo provide a great way to disguise the collective idea of Black Flag as a prison. It works, and the song is a jam.
6. Black Flag - Wound Up
I feel like this all the time. Always.
7. Rollins Band - Burned Beyond Recognition
One of the best post-black flag attempts ever. This song is heavier, darker, more spastic and downright dangerous. It is exactly what you should've expected Rollins to do after Black Flag broke up.
8. Rollins Band - Civilized
I really dig this song because it challenges all the bullshit "manly" attitudes that the youth of America think is cool. The idea of being such a little whiny bitch that you need to confront everything with guns and an attitude is so ridiculous to me. Jocks and jackasses can suck it.
9. Rollins Band - Volume 4
Witnessed this song played live in Houston 2006. It was amazing. Enough said.
10. Good Riddance - Second Coming
Good Riddance covered this song from Battalion of Saints. Its a great effort.
11. Blood for Blood - When the Storm (I'll Stand Alone)
This is an EP released song. This band is really good about speaking what they feel, and they don't pull punches or hold anything back. Its no holds barred intense, and I dig the ability to say what you think, and not let it bother you.
Enjoy. Back to regular posts soon. Very busy elsewhere!
If You're Pissed, It's Not My Fault!
1. The Circle Jerks - Parade of the Horribles
This is a really great song by the Jerks. Keith Morris is an amzing singer, and this album is one of the few truly great punk albums of all time.
2. Minor Threat - Look Back and Laugh
When I was in HS, I was listening to a lot of early 80's punk/hardcore stuff. I remember listening to this song as I was "restyling" some of my dad's hand-me-down clothes. I took this really crappy looking jacket and turned it into something awesome, but when my parents got a hold of it, they threw it away claiming that I had ruined a perfectly good jacket. If anything, I made it better. Anyway, this song reminds me of that moment, and now I really do look back and laugh at that shit.
2. Minor Threat - 12XU
Another great Minor Threat tune. This song sounds live because of the intro, but it was done at Dischord like everything was back then. All MT songs are awesome, but this made its way onto this playlist this time.
3. Fugazi - Cashout
Cashout is off of the last Fugazi album, The Argument. It is a really great and underrated album. This is one of the best songs on it.
4. Fugazi - The Kill
Another really great song from the same album as before. Really. Honestly.
5. Black Flag - The Bars
If you listen to the words on this song, most people would think the song is literally about being in jail or whatever. I think it has more to do with being trapped inside the Black Flag machine. The bars as their logo provide a great way to disguise the collective idea of Black Flag as a prison. It works, and the song is a jam.
6. Black Flag - Wound Up
I feel like this all the time. Always.
7. Rollins Band - Burned Beyond Recognition
One of the best post-black flag attempts ever. This song is heavier, darker, more spastic and downright dangerous. It is exactly what you should've expected Rollins to do after Black Flag broke up.
8. Rollins Band - Civilized
I really dig this song because it challenges all the bullshit "manly" attitudes that the youth of America think is cool. The idea of being such a little whiny bitch that you need to confront everything with guns and an attitude is so ridiculous to me. Jocks and jackasses can suck it.
9. Rollins Band - Volume 4
Witnessed this song played live in Houston 2006. It was amazing. Enough said.
10. Good Riddance - Second Coming
Good Riddance covered this song from Battalion of Saints. Its a great effort.
11. Blood for Blood - When the Storm (I'll Stand Alone)
This is an EP released song. This band is really good about speaking what they feel, and they don't pull punches or hold anything back. Its no holds barred intense, and I dig the ability to say what you think, and not let it bother you.
Enjoy. Back to regular posts soon. Very busy elsewhere!
Friday, July 25, 2008
Who will help us, when we fail to help ourselves?
So this morning I decided not to ride the rails, and I hopped in the car instead. As I was trying to re-acquaint myself with the feeling of driving again, I decided to take a slightly different route. I head over to Ella and start heading up to the freeway. There is usually a lot to see on this road it is abound with fast food joints and car dealerships and shiny happy things that suppress your instincts to be weary of them. I am sitting at a light going over the preceding day in my head. What jobs am I working on today? How much down time will there be (if any)? What's the big meeting going to unveil this morning? These are the usually things that run through your mind when you are trying to find a way to make the day go by faster by setting benchmarks or whatever makes you feel like progress is happening.
Here I am. In my car, listening to this totally rad Total Chaos cd that was given to me by Derek as part his unending cleansing ritual of his music collection. If you haven't heard Patriotic Shock, listen to it. Feel the punches. The brutality is enough to put you on your ass. I am into it. Calmly into it. No car dancing or singing for me.
The guitars tear into it, and I look around scanning the area while I wait at the light. I notice a young woman. She might be close to my age, maybe a year older or so. She just left the resident donut shop in these parts, and she is carrying a small bag that I can only assume contains about 1600 pounds of sugar and lard. These are her "guilty" Friday foods. Pay day must be today. Time to celebrate with a hearty-attack.
She is making her way to her car, and bingo, its the BMW with the Hawaiian lay hanging from the rear view mirror. She sees this guy. He's an old guy with a gray beard and worn clothes. He looks rough, but he doesn't look enough like a vagrant to be mistaken for one, so whatever. He's smoking. He's cool. I can't imagine the kind of life this guy has seen. He's probably been to Nam. He's probably lived at least two or three times as much s most of the jerks that take this world for granted. Anyway, the girl. She looks at the man as she approaches her car, and here it comes. In all its glory, she has a bright idea.
It was like time slowed down to a stop. I saw her thoughts pure, simple, vain and masturbatory. The edge of her mouth crept up a hair as if she was thinking to herself about how this would be a way to score points with the man upstairs. "I'm going to be generous today. I am going do something to give back." I see her approach the man with this patronizing look on her face like she was talking to an infant. I actually saw her in a standoffish kind of way offer the guy some donut holes or something. She held the bag out, and the top of the bag aimed at him from like seven feet away. Now, I don't know what the thought process here was. Did she assume the man was homeless and needed food? If so, shame on her. The guy was just enjoying the morning. He was obviously insulted by her attempts to make him feel like he needed her to feed him. Was she genuinely trying to be nice, and would she have done this if anyone were sitting there? Probably not. It's my experience that most people don't give a shit about anyone besides themselves.
The best part was the response of the whole thing. She offers with a patronizing grin/approach, and he shuts her down. Her expression went from self-indulgent happiness to embarrassed jackass. Then she catches me watching the whole thing, and then her face sinks into a "What kind of person am I?" look. It was poetry. The light turned green. Time to go.
Here I am. In my car, listening to this totally rad Total Chaos cd that was given to me by Derek as part his unending cleansing ritual of his music collection. If you haven't heard Patriotic Shock, listen to it. Feel the punches. The brutality is enough to put you on your ass. I am into it. Calmly into it. No car dancing or singing for me.
The guitars tear into it, and I look around scanning the area while I wait at the light. I notice a young woman. She might be close to my age, maybe a year older or so. She just left the resident donut shop in these parts, and she is carrying a small bag that I can only assume contains about 1600 pounds of sugar and lard. These are her "guilty" Friday foods. Pay day must be today. Time to celebrate with a hearty-attack.
She is making her way to her car, and bingo, its the BMW with the Hawaiian lay hanging from the rear view mirror. She sees this guy. He's an old guy with a gray beard and worn clothes. He looks rough, but he doesn't look enough like a vagrant to be mistaken for one, so whatever. He's smoking. He's cool. I can't imagine the kind of life this guy has seen. He's probably been to Nam. He's probably lived at least two or three times as much s most of the jerks that take this world for granted. Anyway, the girl. She looks at the man as she approaches her car, and here it comes. In all its glory, she has a bright idea.
It was like time slowed down to a stop. I saw her thoughts pure, simple, vain and masturbatory. The edge of her mouth crept up a hair as if she was thinking to herself about how this would be a way to score points with the man upstairs. "I'm going to be generous today. I am going do something to give back." I see her approach the man with this patronizing look on her face like she was talking to an infant. I actually saw her in a standoffish kind of way offer the guy some donut holes or something. She held the bag out, and the top of the bag aimed at him from like seven feet away. Now, I don't know what the thought process here was. Did she assume the man was homeless and needed food? If so, shame on her. The guy was just enjoying the morning. He was obviously insulted by her attempts to make him feel like he needed her to feed him. Was she genuinely trying to be nice, and would she have done this if anyone were sitting there? Probably not. It's my experience that most people don't give a shit about anyone besides themselves.
The best part was the response of the whole thing. She offers with a patronizing grin/approach, and he shuts her down. Her expression went from self-indulgent happiness to embarrassed jackass. Then she catches me watching the whole thing, and then her face sinks into a "What kind of person am I?" look. It was poetry. The light turned green. Time to go.
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Untitled Post 1.0
An uneventful trip so far...
This morning was fast. Woke up. Got dressed. Rode downtown in the rain. Boarded the train, and sat down. Read my book for the entire thirty minute trip.
Time goes by so much faster when you spend it wisely. I have started to believe that the world slows down if you aren't being proactive in making the most of your time. If I run out of things to do, then my life hits a stand still. Boredom. Terrifying boredom.
I was ill yesterday, and I kept thinking to myself that I was worthless. I hate feeling sick because I know I need to take it easy, but that's the last thing I want to do when I am at home. I want to make progress on something in someway. I am reading about three books at the same time. Maybe I hit it too hard, but I want to read these and move on to other writings by other writers. Some friends have given some good options, so I have a good stockpile to choose from.
Today, I am back at the office. Working. Playing catch up, and trying to pass the time by quickly. band practice is tonight. I am anticipating it being a good one as it usually is. We might try out the new mixer and mics I got for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am really happy with the way things are going with this band. The guys I play with are old friends and we go way back. It's quite the departure from my previous music endeavor with the other band. It was interesting at first to see how far I could go outside my comfort zone with music, but after a while happiness is what won over and caused me to leave them to do what they really wanted to do. No hard feelings. No ill will. Some people are driven for certain things, and if I don't fit into that plan, then I get out of the way. No worries.
Wrote some new lyrics at lunch today. Posted them in the previous entry, and they are pretty self-explanatory. Simple lyrics with a powerful undertone. I started work on some more, but they aren't ready yet. Sit tight.
Anyway, that will do it for me today. Gonna get back to it for another ten minutes and then head to the train for the ride home.
This morning was fast. Woke up. Got dressed. Rode downtown in the rain. Boarded the train, and sat down. Read my book for the entire thirty minute trip.
Time goes by so much faster when you spend it wisely. I have started to believe that the world slows down if you aren't being proactive in making the most of your time. If I run out of things to do, then my life hits a stand still. Boredom. Terrifying boredom.
I was ill yesterday, and I kept thinking to myself that I was worthless. I hate feeling sick because I know I need to take it easy, but that's the last thing I want to do when I am at home. I want to make progress on something in someway. I am reading about three books at the same time. Maybe I hit it too hard, but I want to read these and move on to other writings by other writers. Some friends have given some good options, so I have a good stockpile to choose from.
Today, I am back at the office. Working. Playing catch up, and trying to pass the time by quickly. band practice is tonight. I am anticipating it being a good one as it usually is. We might try out the new mixer and mics I got for my birthday a couple of weeks ago. I am really happy with the way things are going with this band. The guys I play with are old friends and we go way back. It's quite the departure from my previous music endeavor with the other band. It was interesting at first to see how far I could go outside my comfort zone with music, but after a while happiness is what won over and caused me to leave them to do what they really wanted to do. No hard feelings. No ill will. Some people are driven for certain things, and if I don't fit into that plan, then I get out of the way. No worries.
Wrote some new lyrics at lunch today. Posted them in the previous entry, and they are pretty self-explanatory. Simple lyrics with a powerful undertone. I started work on some more, but they aren't ready yet. Sit tight.
Anyway, that will do it for me today. Gonna get back to it for another ten minutes and then head to the train for the ride home.
(Blank)
(Blank)
Verse 1
This page is blank
For Me
For Me and You
Our time is now
For Me
For Me and You
We get so tough
Yeah Me
Yeah Me and You
Blank Pages Burn
And then
Just Me and You
Chorus 1
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Verse 2
Stare down and focus
Yeah You
Not Me but You
I will Survive
While You
You give in quick
Man, that was weak
Yeah, weak
You make me sick
It's no contest
No No
No No No No
Chorus 2
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Bridge
I'm Blank and I don't think.
My reactions that you see.
They're made of only one thing.
Pure Animal Instincts.
Verse 1
This page is blank
For Me
For Me and You
Our time is now
For Me
For Me and You
We get so tough
Yeah Me
Yeah Me and You
Blank Pages Burn
And then
Just Me and You
Chorus 1
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Verse 2
Stare down and focus
Yeah You
Not Me but You
I will Survive
While You
You give in quick
Man, that was weak
Yeah, weak
You make me sick
It's no contest
No No
No No No No
Chorus 2
The History Books are empty
It's time to get your head on straight
Blood stains on the pavement
When its You and Me in a cage
Bridge
I'm Blank and I don't think.
My reactions that you see.
They're made of only one thing.
Pure Animal Instincts.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Toofer Won: Audible Function: "Wish I could've red lined." & Knifed in the...
Okay. Times a wastin', so let's get started. I posted a new playlist today over at the always entertaining muxtape.com. This one was inspired by my trip on the red line today. So without further delay, here it is: onewaygun.muxtape.com
1. Mark Lanegan - Hit the City
This song is the sound of the restless shuffling about their routine. It's a really good traveling song.
2. Bob Dylan - Don't think twice, it's all right
It's Bob Dylan, need I explain?
3. Gorillaz - M1A1
I really dig this song because it has an opener that steals from "Day of the Dead." Riding the train into to work in the morning is like being in the land of zombies. Everyone looks so cold, distant and dead inside, and at any moment they could tar your head off. This song would be the soundtrack if the latter happened.
4. The Ramones - Havana Affair
1976. The end of the status quo for rock music. Any Ramones song will help you escape from the turgid puke we're left with today.
5. Eagles of Death Metal - Chase the Devil
Chase the Devil is a good ass-shaker. When was the last time you heard a rockin' song that made you want to dance and make love rather than fight and be misogynistic? Well, it's here.
6. Saul Williams - Break
Saul Williams might be what hip-hop needs to save itself from self-imploding. So much of hip-hop is represented in material things these days, and Saul Williams is kind of "the people's rapper." He is more accessible than most in the hip-hop scene. It really goes well with the urban environment of the red line.
7. The Hives - Square One, Here I come!
Make excuses. Keep making excuses. Never change the game. This song is your anthem.
8. Daredevils - Hate you
Generally how I feel about everything (initially). I am the eternal skeptic.
9. Dead Boys - Caught with the meat in your mouth
Dead Boys are one of the greatest bands to ever exist. Go buy "Young, Loud and Snotty" as soon as you can.
10. Rollins Band - Step Back
This will leave you feeling violated in the best way.
11. Queens of the Stone Age - I wanna make it wit chu(live)
The gayest song about hetero-lovin'. Really levels the playing field.
12. NOFX - Eat the Meek(dub mix)
Hardly dub, but mostly NOFX.
_________________________________________
Knifed in the ...
Day two is one half over. Today's ride down was much different than the one yesterday. I never expected each day to be the same, but today and yesterday are like night and day by comparison.
We arrive downtown around seven in the morning, and I make my way to the stop just one block south. As I approach the crosswalk, I notice the train heading towards my stop, and I still have one block to go. Naturally, seeing an opportunity to get ahead of my day, I start walking fast to beat it there, and about twenty feet later, I am now jogging through flocks of pigeons that for a half a second give me an extreme fear of all birds. The train passes me, but the large crowd of people loading onto it give me an extra window of opportunity to board.
Before I board, I have to swipe my card, or I run the risk of a fine. My card kept giving me trouble, so fuck it, I'll take my chances. I jump on the the train like it's going out of style (even though they come every six minutes).
At this point I am just hoping to get a place where I can sit and read my book, but as I look around, I see nothing but a few handicapped seats open, and while there are enough elderly or disabled people in this car to easily fill the seats, many of them are too proud to sit. I opt to stand in the event that one of them would eventually need a place to sit. No reading. Standing.
With every stop, the car gets a little more cramped, and more strange people enter. I am now standing next to someone who needs a lesson in how to pack lightly and a vagrant. I prefer the vagrant. At least he doesn't protrude with his "North Face" backpack filled with god knows what into my gut. I mean, whatever he had in there felt as if it were puncturing my skin. I attempted to back in to the corner, but there was no more room. Next stop, he exits, and I check myself for a stab wound.
While the most passive-aggressive knife fight took place, I tried to occupy my mind by observing people. I looked around and tried guess what all of them do for a living. Doctor, receptionist, janitor, cop and the list goes on. I make up names for them all. Nancy is an office assistant for some private practice doctor who cheats on his wife. She knows about it, but doesn't say anything because she wants to leverage herself a raise in a few months. A few months goes by, and it turns out that her boss got caught in the act. Too bad for her because not only was she unable to leverage her raise, but the practice is now owned by the boss's ex-wife as per the terms of the divorce settlement. He lost everything, and in the end Nancy only regretted not getting to it first. Darrell is a construction worker who used to be a fireman until he got trapped under a collapsed beam and has since never been able to be near an open flame. Yolanda, she spends nights working the graveyard at the hospital. She cleans bedpans, and everyday she contemplates suicide.
While I was playing this game in my head, I couldn't help but notice how stone-walled their faces were. Emotionless. As if they weren't really there. One person in particular was getting to me. This girl had entered the train a few stops back. She was not what you would call attractive by conventional standards. She stared at me. Everytime I glance in her direction, there she was, staring. In my head, I screamed, "Can I fucking help you with something?" I had the appearance of ignoring her, but that wasn't going to be the case if this continued much longer. I started to think that maybe she has no idea that she is staring. Maybe she is just looking in my direction. Then I noticed there were some other people on the train looking at me too. Perhaps I had something on me, or I was drawing attention to myself in some way. I have been standing here in this exact spot for the entire trip. I haven't moved. What is the deal?
The last major stop is passed, and all the gawkers have exited. I may never know what those people were staring at, and maybe I am being a little paranoid. I think that given the opportunity, I made it more about me than it actually was. Singled out. What a pussy. Those people didn't give a fuck about me. They too were just trying to make the trip to work more bearable by going deep in their minds for an escape. We all do it. We exit into our minds. Its shelter. Its the only place we can go to be alone. Happiness.
I reach the end. Its just me and the homeless man. I wonder where he was going. Was he going anywhere? When his home is the street then technically he was home the entire time.
Maybe he had a nice home with a wife and kids once. Remember Nancy? This man was her boss.
1. Mark Lanegan - Hit the City
This song is the sound of the restless shuffling about their routine. It's a really good traveling song.
2. Bob Dylan - Don't think twice, it's all right
It's Bob Dylan, need I explain?
3. Gorillaz - M1A1
I really dig this song because it has an opener that steals from "Day of the Dead." Riding the train into to work in the morning is like being in the land of zombies. Everyone looks so cold, distant and dead inside, and at any moment they could tar your head off. This song would be the soundtrack if the latter happened.
4. The Ramones - Havana Affair
1976. The end of the status quo for rock music. Any Ramones song will help you escape from the turgid puke we're left with today.
5. Eagles of Death Metal - Chase the Devil
Chase the Devil is a good ass-shaker. When was the last time you heard a rockin' song that made you want to dance and make love rather than fight and be misogynistic? Well, it's here.
6. Saul Williams - Break
Saul Williams might be what hip-hop needs to save itself from self-imploding. So much of hip-hop is represented in material things these days, and Saul Williams is kind of "the people's rapper." He is more accessible than most in the hip-hop scene. It really goes well with the urban environment of the red line.
7. The Hives - Square One, Here I come!
Make excuses. Keep making excuses. Never change the game. This song is your anthem.
8. Daredevils - Hate you
Generally how I feel about everything (initially). I am the eternal skeptic.
9. Dead Boys - Caught with the meat in your mouth
Dead Boys are one of the greatest bands to ever exist. Go buy "Young, Loud and Snotty" as soon as you can.
10. Rollins Band - Step Back
This will leave you feeling violated in the best way.
11. Queens of the Stone Age - I wanna make it wit chu(live)
The gayest song about hetero-lovin'. Really levels the playing field.
12. NOFX - Eat the Meek(dub mix)
Hardly dub, but mostly NOFX.
_________________________________________
Knifed in the ...
Day two is one half over. Today's ride down was much different than the one yesterday. I never expected each day to be the same, but today and yesterday are like night and day by comparison.
We arrive downtown around seven in the morning, and I make my way to the stop just one block south. As I approach the crosswalk, I notice the train heading towards my stop, and I still have one block to go. Naturally, seeing an opportunity to get ahead of my day, I start walking fast to beat it there, and about twenty feet later, I am now jogging through flocks of pigeons that for a half a second give me an extreme fear of all birds. The train passes me, but the large crowd of people loading onto it give me an extra window of opportunity to board.
Before I board, I have to swipe my card, or I run the risk of a fine. My card kept giving me trouble, so fuck it, I'll take my chances. I jump on the the train like it's going out of style (even though they come every six minutes).
At this point I am just hoping to get a place where I can sit and read my book, but as I look around, I see nothing but a few handicapped seats open, and while there are enough elderly or disabled people in this car to easily fill the seats, many of them are too proud to sit. I opt to stand in the event that one of them would eventually need a place to sit. No reading. Standing.
With every stop, the car gets a little more cramped, and more strange people enter. I am now standing next to someone who needs a lesson in how to pack lightly and a vagrant. I prefer the vagrant. At least he doesn't protrude with his "North Face" backpack filled with god knows what into my gut. I mean, whatever he had in there felt as if it were puncturing my skin. I attempted to back in to the corner, but there was no more room. Next stop, he exits, and I check myself for a stab wound.
While the most passive-aggressive knife fight took place, I tried to occupy my mind by observing people. I looked around and tried guess what all of them do for a living. Doctor, receptionist, janitor, cop and the list goes on. I make up names for them all. Nancy is an office assistant for some private practice doctor who cheats on his wife. She knows about it, but doesn't say anything because she wants to leverage herself a raise in a few months. A few months goes by, and it turns out that her boss got caught in the act. Too bad for her because not only was she unable to leverage her raise, but the practice is now owned by the boss's ex-wife as per the terms of the divorce settlement. He lost everything, and in the end Nancy only regretted not getting to it first. Darrell is a construction worker who used to be a fireman until he got trapped under a collapsed beam and has since never been able to be near an open flame. Yolanda, she spends nights working the graveyard at the hospital. She cleans bedpans, and everyday she contemplates suicide.
While I was playing this game in my head, I couldn't help but notice how stone-walled their faces were. Emotionless. As if they weren't really there. One person in particular was getting to me. This girl had entered the train a few stops back. She was not what you would call attractive by conventional standards. She stared at me. Everytime I glance in her direction, there she was, staring. In my head, I screamed, "Can I fucking help you with something?" I had the appearance of ignoring her, but that wasn't going to be the case if this continued much longer. I started to think that maybe she has no idea that she is staring. Maybe she is just looking in my direction. Then I noticed there were some other people on the train looking at me too. Perhaps I had something on me, or I was drawing attention to myself in some way. I have been standing here in this exact spot for the entire trip. I haven't moved. What is the deal?
The last major stop is passed, and all the gawkers have exited. I may never know what those people were staring at, and maybe I am being a little paranoid. I think that given the opportunity, I made it more about me than it actually was. Singled out. What a pussy. Those people didn't give a fuck about me. They too were just trying to make the trip to work more bearable by going deep in their minds for an escape. We all do it. We exit into our minds. Its shelter. Its the only place we can go to be alone. Happiness.
I reach the end. Its just me and the homeless man. I wonder where he was going. Was he going anywhere? When his home is the street then technically he was home the entire time.
Maybe he had a nice home with a wife and kids once. Remember Nancy? This man was her boss.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Over Exposed: Un-making My Mind
So I decided to let my wife (Brandy) in on the secret of this "blog." She gave me some shit about it, but I knew exactly what i was doing. I was exposing myself. Now she knows, and now I don't care if she knows. No secrets. Now, what's the big deal, right? Who cares if I have a blog?
Well, the thing is that her and I both have had our fare share of laughs over people who feel the need to inundate people with the mindless, droll, garbage-infested words that attempt to self-righteously give us some insight into their "identity." I use quotes because I find that there are really two groups of users on the web: The first group is the one that is looking for interesting writing, something honest (seemingly), and possibly actual literary entertainment; The second group is looking for the need to feed their ego, and they want to have their ego fed to no end.
The second group of people are inevitable. These people are the ones who are afraid to say what is on their mind. They are the ones who hide in the shadows behind names like 'L@die5M@n69' and 'S3xyH00k3r.' They use these identities as shields. They are scared. Scared of being found out. Scared of losing whatever credibility they might presume to have--whatever that is. They live in a constant state of paranoia that maybe th slightest lapse in a new post or blog will leave their "audience" wondering where they've been. Have they slipped? Are they uncool now? What do you mean you have a life outside the web? Unbelievable. Unheard of!
Let me ask you. Who is your audience? Are they people who genuinely and blindly buy your bullshit? Are they people who love and revere your courage to say what is in your heart? Or are they people who revel in your failure? Do they see right though your fake life you've established? Do they salivate at the opportunity to witness your downfall? Your odds aren't favorable. Your chances aren't looking good.
It is our nature to want to feel loved, but it is not our nature to give it back. We seek from others what we lack in ourselves, but we don't give others what they seek from us. Humans are selfish. We stare at destruction with amazement, and we are bored with creation and innovation. Tear down the walls. Rip down the righteous. Find the rotting core that sickens the machine we are plugged into.
Make it your mission to expose, over-expose, and then completely obliterate yourself. Let people in, take chances, stop hiding, stop the fear and paranoia. To be exposed is to be free. To be free is to be without fear. To be without fear is to live. So, Live. Until you let it all out, you will be afraid that you will be found out. Don't give them the satisfaction. Take it back.
Well, the thing is that her and I both have had our fare share of laughs over people who feel the need to inundate people with the mindless, droll, garbage-infested words that attempt to self-righteously give us some insight into their "identity." I use quotes because I find that there are really two groups of users on the web: The first group is the one that is looking for interesting writing, something honest (seemingly), and possibly actual literary entertainment; The second group is looking for the need to feed their ego, and they want to have their ego fed to no end.
The second group of people are inevitable. These people are the ones who are afraid to say what is on their mind. They are the ones who hide in the shadows behind names like 'L@die5M@n69' and 'S3xyH00k3r.' They use these identities as shields. They are scared. Scared of being found out. Scared of losing whatever credibility they might presume to have--whatever that is. They live in a constant state of paranoia that maybe th slightest lapse in a new post or blog will leave their "audience" wondering where they've been. Have they slipped? Are they uncool now? What do you mean you have a life outside the web? Unbelievable. Unheard of!
Let me ask you. Who is your audience? Are they people who genuinely and blindly buy your bullshit? Are they people who love and revere your courage to say what is in your heart? Or are they people who revel in your failure? Do they see right though your fake life you've established? Do they salivate at the opportunity to witness your downfall? Your odds aren't favorable. Your chances aren't looking good.
It is our nature to want to feel loved, but it is not our nature to give it back. We seek from others what we lack in ourselves, but we don't give others what they seek from us. Humans are selfish. We stare at destruction with amazement, and we are bored with creation and innovation. Tear down the walls. Rip down the righteous. Find the rotting core that sickens the machine we are plugged into.
Make it your mission to expose, over-expose, and then completely obliterate yourself. Let people in, take chances, stop hiding, stop the fear and paranoia. To be exposed is to be free. To be free is to be without fear. To be without fear is to live. So, Live. Until you let it all out, you will be afraid that you will be found out. Don't give them the satisfaction. Take it back.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Audible Function: The Playlist
Today has been a rather slow one...
4:45am - Wake up, lay there, fall back asleep, wake up to an excruciating pain of my favorite dog, Nikki, trampling on parts better left un-trampled.
5:10am - Off to the park to go running.
5:15am - Running. Sweating. It's 80 degrees outside already. We officially live in hell.
5:47am - Return home. Dehydrated. Almost pass out (this is normal). Feed the dog, and drink about a gallon of water.
7:10am - After cleaning up, head off to work. Realize I have a coupon for a free smoothie from Starbucks in my pocket, and guess what just opened up down the street.
7:35am - Sitting in traffic, drinking smoothie. Feeling full, and I am at this point ready to go back home and crawl back into bed. I forge on to work.
7:45am - Arrive at work. Start working. Shit hits the fan, and now our submission site isn't working. Guess who gets to deal with the delightful IT people over here....any takers?
10:13am - Finally begin to get some actual work done.
11:00am - Lunch. Go pick up meds for the dog (he has glaucoma-sad).
11:30am - Back at the office, and I am totally uninspired, so I decided to write a blog.
Today's playlist consists of the following songs, and can be found on Muxtape.com. Here is a listing of the tracks along with my thoughts about each one.
"Fictional Songs"
1. A Gun Called Tension - Electric Chair
This song is just a good sleepy song. It's nothing special, but it just seems to be a good song to listen to when yo aren't really inspired by much.
2. Only Crime - Take Me
Only Crime are a great addition to any playlist because they are the perfect blend of the so-cal punk style and the hardcore tendencies of the late eighties. This song is the wake up call from the previous track. It's the exact amount of punch in the face I need to get going.
3. Fugazi - Merchandise
Merchandise is one of my favorite songs by Fugazi. Plain and simple. That's why its on the compilation.
4. Rabbit Ears - For and Against
Rabbit Ears are a band that precedes all things Murder City Devils. It is Spencer Moody's first musical attempt realized on this 4 track EP. It is really a great little record if you want to check it out. Drum machine and keys play a huge role, and it is very R&B influenced.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
This is the first single off the newest NIN album, and it is just a really nicely produced song. The writing from Trent reznor just seems to amplify getting bigger and bigger with every release since 'With Teeth.'
6. Smoke and Smoke - Bathroom Jacket
Two words: Spencer Moody.
7. Neil Young - Sugar Mountain
Sugar Mountain was one of the first songs I ever heard from Neil Young. It seemed so descriptive yet so simple. Its a narrative. It makes me think of fall turning to winter.
8. Heavy Trash - Double Line
I came across Heavy Trash when I was reading Alarm Magazine. They just have a unique take on the rockabilly thing. Its like rockabilly for everyone. It's totally accessible.
9. Dead Kennedys - A Child and His Lawnmower
Classic Dead Kennedys. Not an album hit or single, but its one of my favorite songs by DK.
10. David Bowie - Panic in Detroit
Bowie has always been a favorite of mine, and this little song is quickly working its way up in my top five Bowie songs. Its a great glam-rocker. I can just see the glitter stained dirt.
11. Pixies - Where is My Mind?
One of the greatest songs ever written by a band who in some regard is seriously underrated.
12. The Who - Baba O'Riley
Might be the only song that transcends generations and still speaks to everyone. I can't imagine not putting this on a playlist. It's essential.
Well, thats it. That's the playlist I am rocking today. Check it out while you can because next week, I'll be listening to something totally different. http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
Beep beep.
4:45am - Wake up, lay there, fall back asleep, wake up to an excruciating pain of my favorite dog, Nikki, trampling on parts better left un-trampled.
5:10am - Off to the park to go running.
5:15am - Running. Sweating. It's 80 degrees outside already. We officially live in hell.
5:47am - Return home. Dehydrated. Almost pass out (this is normal). Feed the dog, and drink about a gallon of water.
7:10am - After cleaning up, head off to work. Realize I have a coupon for a free smoothie from Starbucks in my pocket, and guess what just opened up down the street.
7:35am - Sitting in traffic, drinking smoothie. Feeling full, and I am at this point ready to go back home and crawl back into bed. I forge on to work.
7:45am - Arrive at work. Start working. Shit hits the fan, and now our submission site isn't working. Guess who gets to deal with the delightful IT people over here....any takers?
10:13am - Finally begin to get some actual work done.
11:00am - Lunch. Go pick up meds for the dog (he has glaucoma-sad).
11:30am - Back at the office, and I am totally uninspired, so I decided to write a blog.
Today's playlist consists of the following songs, and can be found on Muxtape.com. Here is a listing of the tracks along with my thoughts about each one.
"Fictional Songs"
1. A Gun Called Tension - Electric Chair
This song is just a good sleepy song. It's nothing special, but it just seems to be a good song to listen to when yo aren't really inspired by much.
2. Only Crime - Take Me
Only Crime are a great addition to any playlist because they are the perfect blend of the so-cal punk style and the hardcore tendencies of the late eighties. This song is the wake up call from the previous track. It's the exact amount of punch in the face I need to get going.
3. Fugazi - Merchandise
Merchandise is one of my favorite songs by Fugazi. Plain and simple. That's why its on the compilation.
4. Rabbit Ears - For and Against
Rabbit Ears are a band that precedes all things Murder City Devils. It is Spencer Moody's first musical attempt realized on this 4 track EP. It is really a great little record if you want to check it out. Drum machine and keys play a huge role, and it is very R&B influenced.
5. Nine Inch Nails - Discipline
This is the first single off the newest NIN album, and it is just a really nicely produced song. The writing from Trent reznor just seems to amplify getting bigger and bigger with every release since 'With Teeth.'
6. Smoke and Smoke - Bathroom Jacket
Two words: Spencer Moody.
7. Neil Young - Sugar Mountain
Sugar Mountain was one of the first songs I ever heard from Neil Young. It seemed so descriptive yet so simple. Its a narrative. It makes me think of fall turning to winter.
8. Heavy Trash - Double Line
I came across Heavy Trash when I was reading Alarm Magazine. They just have a unique take on the rockabilly thing. Its like rockabilly for everyone. It's totally accessible.
9. Dead Kennedys - A Child and His Lawnmower
Classic Dead Kennedys. Not an album hit or single, but its one of my favorite songs by DK.
10. David Bowie - Panic in Detroit
Bowie has always been a favorite of mine, and this little song is quickly working its way up in my top five Bowie songs. Its a great glam-rocker. I can just see the glitter stained dirt.
11. Pixies - Where is My Mind?
One of the greatest songs ever written by a band who in some regard is seriously underrated.
12. The Who - Baba O'Riley
Might be the only song that transcends generations and still speaks to everyone. I can't imagine not putting this on a playlist. It's essential.
Well, thats it. That's the playlist I am rocking today. Check it out while you can because next week, I'll be listening to something totally different. http://onewaygun.muxtape.com
Beep beep.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Hard Transit.
Today, I start a series of writings that will detail my new commute to and from work on the Houston Transportation System -- METRO. While I am aware that compared to other major metropolitan areas in the country, Houston pales in comparison when it comes to mass transit, I thought that in honor of the new hour and a half commute, I would order some books to read while on the road. The two books on the way are both by Henry Rollins: Broken Summers & Black Coffee Blues Vol. 1.
I have always been a fan of Mr. Rollins' ability to deliver both audibly and on paper. I can't wait to get started. I have some other suggestions from other people that I will be diving into a little later on, but for now, this should do.
Trying to remain true to myself will be the goal, but obviously there is a certain amount of bullshit that even I can't get rid of - sorry in advance.
...and reluctantly, I don't describe too much of what I am going to do versus what I have already done, but it seems I may have already ventured down that road. So, lets back up, and I will tell a story about my experience in Chicago this past June.
We arrived in Chicago in early June and quickly made our way to the CTA trains. It had been about a year since I had been on this train, so I kind of knew where we were supposed to be heading. We made our way down the concourse in the direction of the trains, and we reached an elevator that we assumed would take us down to the level that we needed. Just as we entered the elevator, another couple rushing toward it, came barreling in. What happened in the next five minutes is nothing short of "totally typical" of my luck with others.
They get on the elevator, and they obviously haven't thought about what they are doing or where they are going. Brandy and I have already selected the level we need, and these people look around at the four options, and they push one button that is in the wrong direction of where we are headed. Then realizing what they have done they push the other button below it, so now we are going up instead of down. We go up, nobody gets off. We go back down to where we started, the door opens, and the same people waiting to use the elevator are still standing there--waiting. As luck would have it, they are staring at us as if it is our fault this happened. Then we go down a level (still one more to go before hitting our destination). The door opens, the guy gets off and says, "I don't know where we are supposed to be going," to his wife.
My initial reaction was complete and utter agreement with him, however, when I was hoping the door would shut before he could get back on, he miraculously jumped for it as the door was shutting and made it in just enough time to cause the doors to open all the way back up and do the usual stay open for about five seconds routine.
Then the most amazing thing happened, as the elevator started to go down to our destination, the guy's wife pushes the button of the floor where we initially started. She said to her husband, "we just need to start over."
I thought three things to myself,...
1) Was she referring to starting over in the "we obviously don't know where the hell we need to be" kind of way? or was she referring to starting over completely with her selection of husband/significant other/taste in men in general? At that point it really could've gone either way.
2) This really could've been avoided if we had held the "close door" button down a little harder.
3) Oh my god. If murder was legal, I ...
Well, after all of that Seinfeld drama, we finally made it to our destination which just happens to be the one place in Chicago that actually smells like the inside of an asshole. It looks clean, but smells like a sunbaked wet fart. I am convinced that that is why they have those conveyor belt walking paths in there -- to get you through there much faster.
Once we made it to the train pass machine, we were greeted with a slew of error messages and canceled transaction notices. So far, what a great trip. I can't help but compare the elevator experience with the actual trek to the train, and wonder what was worse, a shit smelling fart cavern or a fart eating shit head in the elevator.
Definitely, the elevator incident. Definitely.
I have always been a fan of Mr. Rollins' ability to deliver both audibly and on paper. I can't wait to get started. I have some other suggestions from other people that I will be diving into a little later on, but for now, this should do.
Trying to remain true to myself will be the goal, but obviously there is a certain amount of bullshit that even I can't get rid of - sorry in advance.
...and reluctantly, I don't describe too much of what I am going to do versus what I have already done, but it seems I may have already ventured down that road. So, lets back up, and I will tell a story about my experience in Chicago this past June.
We arrived in Chicago in early June and quickly made our way to the CTA trains. It had been about a year since I had been on this train, so I kind of knew where we were supposed to be heading. We made our way down the concourse in the direction of the trains, and we reached an elevator that we assumed would take us down to the level that we needed. Just as we entered the elevator, another couple rushing toward it, came barreling in. What happened in the next five minutes is nothing short of "totally typical" of my luck with others.They get on the elevator, and they obviously haven't thought about what they are doing or where they are going. Brandy and I have already selected the level we need, and these people look around at the four options, and they push one button that is in the wrong direction of where we are headed. Then realizing what they have done they push the other button below it, so now we are going up instead of down. We go up, nobody gets off. We go back down to where we started, the door opens, and the same people waiting to use the elevator are still standing there--waiting. As luck would have it, they are staring at us as if it is our fault this happened. Then we go down a level (still one more to go before hitting our destination). The door opens, the guy gets off and says, "I don't know where we are supposed to be going," to his wife.
My initial reaction was complete and utter agreement with him, however, when I was hoping the door would shut before he could get back on, he miraculously jumped for it as the door was shutting and made it in just enough time to cause the doors to open all the way back up and do the usual stay open for about five seconds routine.
Then the most amazing thing happened, as the elevator started to go down to our destination, the guy's wife pushes the button of the floor where we initially started. She said to her husband, "we just need to start over."
I thought three things to myself,...
1) Was she referring to starting over in the "we obviously don't know where the hell we need to be" kind of way? or was she referring to starting over completely with her selection of husband/significant other/taste in men in general? At that point it really could've gone either way.
2) This really could've been avoided if we had held the "close door" button down a little harder.
3) Oh my god. If murder was legal, I ...
Well, after all of that Seinfeld drama, we finally made it to our destination which just happens to be the one place in Chicago that actually smells like the inside of an asshole. It looks clean, but smells like a sunbaked wet fart. I am convinced that that is why they have those conveyor belt walking paths in there -- to get you through there much faster.
Once we made it to the train pass machine, we were greeted with a slew of error messages and canceled transaction notices. So far, what a great trip. I can't help but compare the elevator experience with the actual trek to the train, and wonder what was worse, a shit smelling fart cavern or a fart eating shit head in the elevator.
Definitely, the elevator incident. Definitely.
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